Monday, November 30, 2015

Mate Won’t Give Up Closet Space

Nov. 30, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I recently moved in a home with a man that I truly love and have dated for 10 years. We are both retired so we finally decided to move in together, however, he refused to move most of his items out of his closet to give me room. 

He has lived alone for a while and like doing things his way.  He said since I had so many things I needed to put my things in the extra bedroom so that I would have the closet space that I needed.  Did I make a mistake by moving in with him?  Move-In Mistake, Florida

Dear Move-In Mistake:

No not really, however, not compromising in the bedroom might lead to problems down the road so most men need to understand that. 

A woman want to feel like she belongs in a home, especially when you invite her to move in with you and if she does not have the run of the house, especially the bedroom, it might cause problems. 

On the other hand, placing all your items in the other closet and bedroom will give you the ‘she-cave’ that you probably need when you just want to relax. 

Many men have space issues so it’s always a good idea to have your own area in your home where you can go and relax when you want to be alone.

Remember that as men (women too) ages, they will become too set in their ways so it will be hard for him to give up his space for you or make other changes in other areas of his life.

I would not make a big deal out of the living arrangements.  See how he treats you – that’s the most important thing.  If he goes out of his way in other areas to make you feel welcome, then again I would not make a big deal out of it. 

You both are under the same roof, which should give both of you more cozier times with each other.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Can True Love Maintain Two Households?

Nov. 29, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am retired and so is my boyfriend. I have known him for 18 years. He is a neat freak and I am not. He asked me to move in with him, however, because of his habits, I rather move to his city and maintain my own place instead. Do you think this is a good idea? Two Households, Missouri

Dear Two Households:

Many people love each other but they can’t stay under the same roof, especially as they age. Many of these types or relationships have went on for years.

So therefore it would be a good idea to move to your new city and maintain your own place. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder so this type of relationship can be great for the both of you.

Couples need space, especially men, and it might even make you have a stronger relationship, while it prepares you to move in together down the line.

If your boyfriend want you to be in his life, then he will change some of his habits in order to have you there.

If he doesn’t then maybe the both of you, should think about going your own way. But his actions will be key to even growing or ending the relationship.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Falling Out of Love With Mate

Nov. 24, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am retired and I have known my mate for 15 years, who is also retired, so when he asked me to move in with him -- I did.  I left my family and friends and drove cross-country to be with this man but after 2 years I am ready to call it quits.

At one time I thought I could live the rest of my life with this man but I no longer love him.  His habits have really gotten on my last nerve so I am thinking about leaving.  However, he is financially secure and doesn’t make me pay any of the bills so I am torn between leaving or staying.  Falling Out of Love, California

Dear Falling Out of Love:

Moving and changing your life is never easy and a lot of people don’t like change.  That’s why they will continue in a relationship that is obviously not going anywhere because again -- they don’t like change.

Money isn’t everything.   It’s doesn’t define who you are as an individual and just because your mate is financially secure, doesn’t mean you should hang on to him. 

Life is meant to be lived fully and if you are in a relationship with someone and you are not totally happy, then maybe it’s time to move on. 

If you can’t sit down and have a civil conversation with your mate about his habits, which you can’t no longer take, then again, maybe it’s time to move on.

We all think life is suppose to go one way but it ends up going another so you have to be ready to make decisions and choices in your life that will bring you total happiness. 

You are only responsible for yourself, not anyone else, so if you no longer love your mate, then you need to start making plans to leave.

You’ll never know when you will meet Mr. Right but it certainly won’t happen wasting your most valuable years staying in a stale relationship -- which is like beating a dead horse.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Husband Can’t Say He Loves Me

Nov. 23, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been married for two years and my husband and I have a pretty good relationship but the one thing I find difficult is that he won’t tell me he loves me.  He says he has a hard time saying it and it is just words, and that I should know he loves me without him needing to verbalize it.

While I do know he loves me, I still feel the need to hear it, and it hurts that he can’t say it, even when it means so much to me.  Am I making a big deal out of nothing or do I have the right to want my husband say that he loves me? Need to Hear It, Arizona

Dear Need To Hear It:

The situation you mention is unfortunately all too common.  It is true that certain people have a hard time communicating in general, and this is especially so when it comes to stating words of love. However, many women, especially need to hear the words.

It is a great start that you know your husband loves you, but as you state, it is a different thing altogether to be told it and to hear the words spoken.

Some men will show you instead of saying the words.  Clearly it is better to be shown love and witness acts of love rather than being told words of love that are empty.  But that still does not take away the need or desire to hear the words.

The concept of needing to hear words of love is a legitimate and real need.  And one that needs to be met -- if at all possible.  It is considered more difficult for a man to state words of love than it is for a woman.

This doesn’t mean that all men have difficulty verbalizing their feelings and for all women it is easy.  The lack of verbal reassurance of his love is something that the two of you should discuss, as he needs to be aware of how difficult it is for you when he won’t say “I love you.”

On the other hand, you should be sensitive to the fact that it is difficult for him to verbally express himself.  It is unfair to deny him words of love simply because he may not think to say them on his own.  Hopefully by you saying them to him, it will remind and encourage him to share such words in return.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

In Love With Employee

Nov. 12, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I work for a small company with 50 employees.  I met an amazing man but the only problem is we work together and I am his boss.  I don’t want to cross the line.  I know he is attracted to me because he flirts with me.  What can I do to carry on a relationship with him and remain his boss?  In Love With Employee, Minnesota

Dear In Love With Employee:

The only thing you can professionally do to carry on a relationship with this man is to quit your job or have him quit his.  If one of you move to another department and he is not working directly under you, that might work also.

Carrying on with someone who is an employee and you are the boss, is opening yourself up to all types of liabilities and not to mention heartbreaks and even headaches down the line.  

The goal on any job is to be a professional and when you accepted that management seat on your job, it meant you more than the employees need to follow and administer the rules.  That is just how workplaces are set up.

Even carrying on an affair in secret, won’t work because if you two breakup or have some type of disagreement, then it might affect your work environment, so again move to another department or take another job or have him move to another department or take another job.

Many men flirt with women so make sure there is someone there before you investigate other options.  Relationships are hard so make sure you both are on the same page.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

My Daughter is a Habitual Waiter

Nov. 10, 2015

Dear Cathy:

What does it means when someone tells you – you are a habitual waiter? My daughter, who is 40 years old, told me all her friends call her that? Habitual Waiters, Sacremento, CA

Dear Habitual Waiters:

The world is full of them. These are people who are always waiting on something to happen in their lives. Many people wait to get married to buy a house, or wait until they get married to travel, instead of doing this when they are single.

Many people wait to find the perfect job, or wait until their kids finish school or wait to retire. They are constantly in that waiting mode.
They are always waiting on something instead of getting out there and making something happen in their lives. And again the world is full of them.

Many people wait for someone else’s permission, or someone else’s input into something. And when you are waiting on someone else -- the majority of the time, you lose drive and momentum, you lose enthusiasm, and eventually you forget why you wanted to do something in the first place.

Waiting around could also be considered procrastination. Procrastination is putting off or delaying something requiring immediate attention. Most people don’t really want to be around people who are always waiting and especially people who are constantly procrastinating.

Monday, November 9, 2015

My Sister is Having Unnecessary Breast Reduction Surgery

Nov. 9, 2015

Dear Cathy:

We are an African American family.  All 5 of my sisters are well-endowed but my youngest sister wants to have breast reduction surgery.  I have tried to talk her out of it but her mind seems to be made up.  She is overweight for her height so if she lost some of the weight, she might be fine with her breast.  Breast Reduction, California

Dear Breast Reduction:

California is actually one of the healthiest states out there.  In that state, many women are obsessed with what they eat.  Many women have body image issues, which can lower their self-esteem.  However, I agree with you that your sister should rethink and avoid any type of unnecessary surgery.

Anytime you have any type of surgery, there can be complications.  This is a surgery where she will be put to sleep and there is a reason why Anesthesiologists have to take out a lot of insurance in their jobs. 

It’s because many times when people are put to sleep because of surgeries, they don’t wake up.  And instruments such as sponges and scissors are left in over 50 people every week in the U.S., which can cause serious issues such as infections or even death. 

Everyone need to rethink having any unnecessary surgery.  The goal is to avoid ending up in any type of hospital, because once you are committed, anything can happen to you.

After breast reduction surgery, many times women will lose weight, then many will regret having had the breast reduction surgery in the first place.

Instead of surgery, tell your sister to investigate these ideas first.  Get fitted for a bra and engage in a regular exercise program while choosing to eat a good diet, especially foods for her blood type.

Instead of the surgery I would suggest that your sister get fitted for a bra.  Many African American women are still trying to wear $10.00 bras from Wal-mart and they will not cut it.  You can’t buy a cheap bra, especially if you are already overweight.  

Many department stores, such as Macy's, will measure women for bras and even have a selection of bras, including sports bras.  You need to pay at least $70 to $100 or $150 for a good fitting bra.  Not only will a good fitting bra make you look better in your clothes and boost your self-esteem, but it will make you look like you have lost weight.  

Even engaging in a good workout program, where she can strengthen the muscles around her breast, would probably make her happier than she is now.  So again, I would not engage in any unnecessary dangerous surgery, which she might regret later on. 

If she decides to go ahead with the surgery, it's important to eat right and be in good shape so she will recover sooner.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Three Kids With Brain Issues

Nov. 5, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am a young single mother with 3 boys under the age of 10.  All my kids have brain issues.  Two have autism and the other one have seizures.  Are brain issues something that mostly affects male children?  Learning More About the Brain, Missouri

Dear Learning More About the Brain:

My heart goes out to any mother with a sick child.  Make sure you work with them starting at a very early age and make sure they are eating a nutrient-dense diet.  Yes autism is a disease that affects mostly male children. 

According to holistic and natural experts, within the next 20 years every other male child will be born with autism, unless we are able to educate the masses in this country.

The reason that many kids are coming down with brain issues is that many expectant/pregnant mothers are refusing to eat organic foods so they are passing on diseases to their children. 

Most of the foods today, at least 90 percent of all processed foods in grocery stores, contains Genetically Modified Organism (GMO) components or derivatives, which means the foods have no nutritional value.

The foods also contains pesticides, which is a heavy metal, a neurotoxin, which causes the brain and nervous system to give out and this is why there is currently an explosion of brain issues such as autism, brain seizures, mental health issues, babies born with smaller brains, brain cancer, bipolar disorder, brain fog, MS, Alzheimers, Parkinsons, etc. especially in children because of their weak and undeveloped immune systems. 

Over 60% of people in nursing homes today are in their late 40s and early 50s and many are there because of Alzheimers.  Many people in their 40s today are dying of Alzheimers, which is now also being called “Type 3 Diabetes.” 

The high rate of autism has also increased because in many states like California, where kids are being forced to take flu and other vaccinations, which contains a large number of heavy metals.

You also want to clean up your inside environment because toxic body products and toxic cleaning products contains heavy metals and can cause your blood to become toxic and make it a breeding ground for illnesses and diseases, especially brain issues. 

Read "How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide To Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days" -- available as an e-book and paperback at

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

My Daughter Has an Old Soul

Nov. 4, 2015

Dear Cathy:

What does it mean when someone tells you that your child has an old soul? Is this a negative thing? Old Soul, Alabama

Dear Old Soul:

If you can talk to your child like he/she’s an adult, you’ve probably got an old soul on your hands and again it’s not a negative thing.

I have a daughter who has an old soul. I have watched this kid, who is now 32, my entire life. She is only 1 year younger than her sister -- but their personalities is like night and day.

She is an introvert, which sometimes can mean that they are shy and withdrawn. Her sister is an extrovert, which means she is outgoing and needed people around her to fulfill herself in this life.

But my old soul daughter could care less about people being around her. Most old souls tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people.

Most old souls are spiritually inclined and tend to have sensitive and spiritual natures. Love and peace are their main pursuits and they seem to think a lot about everything.

Children with old souls finds their outlook on life vastly different and more matured than those around him. As a result, the old soul lives their life internally, walking their own solitary path, while the rest around them flock to follow another.

They rather talk with teachers or other adults versus people their own age. Old souls inherently understand that knowledge is power, wisdom is happiness and truth is freedom. These pursuits are more meaningful to them than reading up on the latest gossip.

Rarely do old souls get lost in the superficial details of useless materialistic things. Wealth, status, fame, and the latest version of iPhone, bore old souls.

The old soul doesn't see the purpose of pursuing things that can be easily taken away from them. Additionally, old souls have little time and interest for the short-lived things in life, as they bring little meaning or long lasting fulfillment for them.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

I Fell in Love With My Friend's Ex-Husband

Nov. 3, 2015 

Dear Cathy:

I have been friends with my friend for over 7 years.  She got a divorce and is now married to a wonderful guy and has 2 kids with her new husband.  I am secretly dating her ex-husband who was married to her for 5 years.  I wasn’t attracted to him when they were together but now I really love this man.  How do I tell my friend that I am in love with her ex-husband?  Ex-husband Jitters, Maryland

Dear Ex-Husband Jitters:

Falling in love with a friend’s ex-husband is a very complicated situation.  No one would actually choose to fall in love with a friend’s ex-husband but since it has happened to you, then you need to deal with it.

One woman’s loss is another woman’s gain and despite what you think, she might be happy for you.  However, you might be left with the choice of choosing to stay friends or giving up your new mate – so you need to ask yourself, how much do her friendship really means to you?

True love is a rarity and it only comes around once for many people in this life, so I would think about your decision wisely.  Meet with your friend or send her a written letter and explain to her what has happened. 

Let her know during the time of her 5 year marriage, nothing out of the ordinary or no attractions took place.  She is now married with children and is probably happy so again, she might just be happy for you, especially if they remained friends after the split.

If that doesn't work, then you might have to move to another part of the city or stop hanging out in places where you know your friend might be.  But you also need to understand that true friends don't stand in the way of another friend's happiness.  

Monday, November 2, 2015

Friends Hurting My Relationships

Nov. 2, 2015

I am 45 years old and divorced and my best girlfriends are also around the same age and also divorced.  Everytime I meet a nice guy, they are always putting their two cents in and my new relationships don’t even get off the ground.  Is it time for me to rethink my friends?  Rethinking Friends, Missouri

Dear Rethinking Friends:

As the years pass, you will lose common interests that brought you and others together as friends in the first place so yes chances are it might be time to rethink your friends. 

Women who are single and don’t have anyone in their lives can become toxic friends blocking any type of potential relationship that you can have in your life.  

Jealousy is an ugly emotion.  It involves negative thoughts and damaging feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, resentment.  It occurs when a person anticipates a loss of something of great personal value.  In the case of your current relationship, you are the thing of great personal value.  

Women can be jealous of relationships so you need to be careful who is in your corner.  Chances are you are going to make mistakes in your relationships down the line but when you meet someone special, then eventually he needs to come before any friendship.