Thursday, December 22, 2016

Boyfriend Refuse to Allow Mate To Bring Belongings Into Home

Dec. 22, 2016

Dear Cathy:

After retiring I downsized before moving across the country to be with my new mate, who is also retired, a man I had known for several years. So it’s not like I have a lot of stuff to begin with because of the downsizing, however, the stuff that I do have, is very personal to me and I would like to have it around me to keep inspiring me as I age. 

But my new mate want me to get a storage unit for my stuff. He has his stuff everywhere in the house and even have another place, a building where he goes everyday, where he can store his things and provide me with more space in his home. So what should I do? New Mate, Connecticut

Dear New Mate:

Your belongings are a part of you and like you said, you had already downsized, probably enough before you moved so he should understand that.

When many young couples get together, they have to decide together what they will keep and what they will get rid of and usually the woman, will have the final say, since she will usually become the homemaker or remember the phrase “Happy Wife, Happy Life!” 

However, when older couples get together, many times one or both of them will be too set in their ways, which means they want everything their way, so obviously, he is having problems with your stuff.

Sometimes it's important for couples to invest in a storage unit together, if they don't have space in their home, but if the home does have space for your things and he just don't want to make changes, then he is just being downright selfish or controlling.

If he has set his house up a certain way and don’t want you to come in and change it, it sounds like he might have a little OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

Common symptoms include having things symmetrical or in a perfect order. So there is a good chance, you won’t make it as a couple because even if you put all your things in storage, he will probably come up with something else that he can’t tolerate.

This is why women should never move in with men or even men with women, they should get a new place together. People like this will probably have a hard time changing. He will always think only his things can occupy his space and will never give you the space that you need as a woman.

So take your things, your belongings and yourself and keep moving. A relationship like this is not worth investing in.

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