Mom Needs To Act and Dress Age Appropriate

Oct. 29, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My mom just turned 65 years old and is retired.  My father passed away 10 years ago so she doesn’t act or dresses her age at all.  She dresses more like a younger person and dates younger men.  When is it time to become age appropriate and tone down your look?  Need to Be Age Appropriate, Washington

Dear Need To Be Age Appropriate:

What is age appropriate anyway?  The things that your mother do or wear is probably what makes her unique so why try to change it?  She is retired so she is not in anyones’ workplace looking like she does.  No one really want to be a carbon copy of other people so let her live her own life.

According to many women, at age 59 you should ditch high heels, red lipstick, tight clothes and false nails and seek to look more natural but many people are saying in your 40s it’s time to tone down.

Every woman has had her own moments of confronting age in fashion and beauty trends.  Many women say they feel beautiful at any age and are happy to let nature take its course without resorting to extreme anti-aging measures.  

Many feel they look younger than they really are and would never consider any type of cosmetic surgery, so again let your mother live her own life.  If she is out there staying mobile, then that's the important thing because by age 65, many Seniors have resorted to living sedentary lifestyles -- so kudos to your mom for being unique.

Loveless Marriage

Oct. 28, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband has a high pressured job and we both decided to wait until we were married before engaging in sex.  We dated for 6 months and we are both in our middle 30s.  This seemed to be okay with the both of us but on our wedding night, my husband was too frigid to touch me.  He had drank entirely too much alcohol at the wedding reception so by the time we got home, he fell asleep.

Even an intimate kiss would be enough for me now.  I dream of a man who loves me so much he stares at me from across the room, who can’t wait to get his hands on me even if it’s just for a second.  Unfortunately, that’s not my marriage.  Every night since our wedding night, he still refuses to touch me and I am at loss for words.  What can I do?  Untouched in the Midwest

Dear Untouched:

Face it six months is not a very long time to get to know someone.  Despite what the world portrays, there are no storybook weddings in life, however, marriages are about intimacy.  

But what you also need to remember is that many men are not affectionate and don’t enjoy kissing, hugging, snuggling, and other things that women really need as part of their marriage vows.  No matter what you do, that will not change and it can cause couples to stray away from each other.

Of course you deserve happiness.  You deserve to be with that man that everytime he walks in the room, your heart melts.  But nothing will change until you start asking questions and demand answers.

You need to sit down and have a good conversation with your husband.  Something is definitely going on there and as a couple you both need to get to the bottom of it together.

You also need to face facts.  Many men with high pressured jobs might have issues in the bedroom.  And the fact that he drank alcohol your wedding night could have kept him from performing.  Alcohol and his diet will also be reasons to keep him from performing in the future. 

Over 40% of men today ages 40 and over are impotent so your husband may be impotent, gay or so hooked on cyber porn that there is nothing left for you.  But you should make it your business to find out.  If your marriage was never consummated, you may be entitled to an annulment, otherwise, get to the bottom of his issues or even work with a professional.

Should Grandmother Step In to Help Autistic Child?

Oct. 27, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My friend is 50 years old.  She is the Grandmother to 4 boys, ages 5, 4, 3, and 2 by her eldest son.  Her son is married to a wonderful young lady, however, the first child was an outside child by another lady that was on drugs at one time.  This child has never spoken a word even though he is going on 5 years old and about to go to school for the first time.  

The child stays at his father’s house every weekend so the father is heavily involved with the child's rearing just as much as the mother, however, no one, not the father, mother, step-mother or Grandmother, ever sought out any help for him.  

My friend, the Grandmother, said it is none of her business that the child doesn’t talk and she doesn’t feel right getting involved.  What do you think?  Should Grandmother Get Involved, Georgia

Dear Should Grandmother Get Involved:

Three years ago 1 out of 150 kids were born with autism but today it is 1 out of 48 so many kids, especially male children will come down with autism, especially because of GMO foods and the heavy metals in vaccinations.   It's even estimated by experts in the holistic and organic community that 20 years from now, every other male child will be born with autism.

If the child has not muttered a word and is now about to go to school for the first time, this is not normal and it’s obvious that the child is autistic.  If this family is going to see any type of change in this child’s behavior, the treatment should have been started right away especially before the child reached 2 years of age.  However, many families today are in denial about their autistic children. 

I don’t understand why a doctor has not noticed this and even referred the child for special help.  But healthcare today is totally blind to what families really need, therefore, many relatives, especially Grandmothers, will need to get involved with the care of their children and grandchildren.

Surely, they don’t think that the child will just start talking just because he gets around other kids in pre-school.  Many teachers and counselors have seen families go through this and they will probably have recommendations for the family or the child should be referred to family services. 

I believe if the Grandmother do not intervene in the autistic child healthcare, then this child will never receive what he really needs and will be just another child lost in the system.  If she does not intervene she will just be another selfish person because even though the child is not hers, sometimes Grandmothers must act as heads of household and do what is right for the entire family.  Shame on her for saying she doesn’t feel right getting involved.  

How Do I Get My 3 Year Old Out of My Bed?

Oct. 26, 2015

Dear Cathy:

Our 3 year old sleeps in our bed every night so there is no way my wife and I can be intimate.  I have told my wife we need to get her out of the bed, but she refuses to make her sleep in her own bed.  What can I do to speed this process along? Need My Bed Back, Arizona

Dear Need My Bed Back:

Whether you are a single parent or two parent household, you should never get use to your kids sleeping in your bed.  If you don’t get your child in her own bed now, you will really find yourself in a bind when she gets much older. 

Like the old saying go, “Once You Start Something, It’s Hard to Stop It.”  What you have is called a family bed and many couples have this.  This is a common practice of many couples, especially when they have only one child. 

Start putting your child in her own bed but make sure it’s right next door to yours so she can get use to being close but not in the same room and especially not in the same bed.

Let her sleep with a night light on if she needs to because many kids are afraid of the dark.  But she will eventually grow out of this habit too.

Make sure she doesn’t take too many naps in the daytime so she will sleep well at night.  Start talking about bedtime expectations in the afternoon so she will know what to expect when the lights go out at night.  Say something like “Mommies and daddies sleep in their beds, and kids sleep in their own beds.”

You can even make a homemade “sleepytime book”—nothing fancy, just stapled-together paper illustrated with stick-figure pictures.  A picture book can help young children understand their sleeping situation in a very concrete way.

Wife Spends Too Much Money on Clothes and Other Random Things

Oct. 22, 2105

Dear Cathy:

My wife spends too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and other random things.  We have two pre-teens and she doesn’t work but yet she wants to spend my entire paycheck on these items.  Will putting her on an allowance work?  Putting Wife On An Allowance, Florida

Dear Putting Wife On An Allowance:

Many women spend entirely too much money on clothes, shoes, purses, and other frivolous things that they don’t really need.  Many do this in order to feel good about themselves.  They never invest in good food or good supplements, which is really what they need to feel good about themselves in the first place.

So this is a common problem today, especially in many marriages.  Since you are in charge of the funds in your home, yes putting her on an allowance can probably work, however, she has to be on board with this because “Remember the phase, “Happy Wife, Happy Life?”

When couples are struggling financially, they need to figure out how to gain more funds in their household and one of the sure-fire ways to do this is cutting down on spending by getting on a budget. 

Try to approach her lovingly and it may take some time for her to break her habits.  But try to hold regular financial meetings to monitor and discuss her progress.  Use this time also to praise her and encourage each other to keep working towards your collective goals.

Other options are to look at bringing more funds into the household, so maybe she needs to think about taking a job, even a part-time job or even starting a business.  There are also financial classes to help couples and others take control of their spending habits so maybe you should invest in these.

Dating a Younger Man

Oct. 29, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I got a divorce after 30 years.  I moved across country to live with my son and now I am dating a man 25 years younger than me.  I have not told anyone, including my other children about this man but he has made me very happy.  He does not see the age difference as a problem but I am sure others will.  What do you think?  Dating a Younger Man, Texas

Dear Dating a Younger Man:

We live in a society that judges women who date younger man but not men who date younger women.  Age is irrelevant when it comes to love.   If dating a younger man has made you happy, then be happy.  You are too old to worry about what other people might think of you, including your own children. 

Life is meant for you to live, love and be happy.  This is your life and at your age, you are setting all the rules -- so be happy.  There could be a blessing in disguise here too -- for instance, dating a younger man should keep you feeling and looking younger and because of his age, he might not come with too much baggage.

Other women -- and men, unlike you, don’t have the courage to do what you are doing.  Many remain in loveless marriages -- day in and day out -- out of a sense of obligation, even though they are not happy.  

Not only did you choose to move across the country but you allowed your heart to be opened again.  Most people never leave the areas that they grew up in -- so all your efforts to create the life that you truly love should be appaulded. 

How Can I Choose A Good Doctor?

Oct. 14, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My doctor recently passed away at the age of 50.  Right now our insurance gives us the option of which doctor to select.  What should I look for when selecting a doctor?  Selecting New Doctor, Texas

Dear Selecting New Doctor:

When selecting a doctor, choose one that is “board certified.”  The American Board of Medical Specialties (ABMS) is recognized as the gold standards in physician’s certifications.  Being board certified simply means “better care for patients.”

As most women get older, they only want to deal with female ob/gyn specialists.  Many people are not comfortable with their doctors, therefore, they should find a doctor that they feel comfortable with.

If you can’t afford needed medications or if you lose your health insurance, start by talking to your doctor.  Tell your doctor about your change in status and ask if there is any flexibility on fees. 

Your physician might offer reduced payments to maintain the relationship with you.  He or she may be able to help with samples or finding programs to get you what you need.

However, if you totally believe that a doctor is the only person that can help you recover from any type of illness, you need to go to funerals.org, because that is exactly where you are headed. 

Most doctor’s lifespan is 60 years old so how is a doctor going to help you live to be a 100 years old?  So it’s extremely important to get entrenched in holistic and natural communities because those specialists are the persons you should be working with to maintain your health, especially as you age.