Getting Breast Implants to Boost My Self-Esteem

Dec. 16, 2015 Dear Cathy: I have always had a flat chest and I absolutely don’t like it. I also have a lack of self-esteem and confidence so I am thinking about getting breast implants.  I know it will boost my self-esteem and confidence but my boyfriend does not want me to do it.  What do you think?  Getting Breast Implants, California Dear Getting Breast Implants: Basically you need to do what is best for you but I would definitely conduct research before going under the knife. Sometimes there are issues when you are put to sleep during any type of surgery and many times doctors leave scissors, sponges and other equipment in patients when they operate. Also many breast implants can be toxic and end up leaking through the skin -- maybe not right away - but down the line -- so make sure you conduct extensive research before going under the knife. There are many ways to boost your self-esteem and confidence that don’t involve surgery.  Basically you need to conduct research on your brain and how it works to send positive signals throughout your body. You also need to eat good foods, especially brain foods, because your foods affects every area of your life from your mood, happiness and your entire quality of life.  If your boyfriend doesn't want you to do this because you will attract others or many others, including his family, might think you are fake, then that too is something to think about. However, remember in the end you need to do what is best for you and not let others decide for you.  You need to do what you can to boost your self-esteem and confidence but many times the answer is not getting breast implants.

Helping a Loved One Move Toward The Light

Dec. 14, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband is 60 years old and has an extensive list of health issues, both mental and physical. Last week, we were given the news that he may have pancreatic cancer. He watched his brother die from the same disease, so we know that if he is diagnosed, he may not survive long.

After we got the news, I started thinking about what may happen to me after he dies. I thought about getting him more life insurance, selling the house, what to do with his belongings – even where I would bury him.

Am I a terrible person? I feel guilty for doing it and would appreciate your opinion. Worried in Washington, DC

Dear Worried:

Just remember it ain’t over until it’s over. No you are not a bad person for simply planning ahead, especially about burial arrangements. Despite the grim diagnosis that your husband was given, his brother’s fate does not have to be his fate. People on their death bed bounce back all the time and go on to led normal lives again -- so never give up hope.

However, if you did not plan ahead, if he did expire, it would probably leave your household unprepared to deal with the situation -- so planning ahead on any matter, especially a matter as grave as this is simply a smart idea.

Once he is given a diagnosis of a terminal disease, which could include coronary artery disease, cancer, failure to thrive, stroke, etc. -- when all else has failed and it’s time to let go of a loved one, make sure you are informed on what steps you need to take.

Hospice care can be in an institution or home care. Keep in mind if the patient is still in the hospital and in frail shape, a hospital representative will try to get the family to sign papers so that their family members can be taken to the hospice ward at the hospital, where they will be administered morphine, made comfortable until they transition.

The only other option is to take that person home for hospice care or to an institution. Many families might elect to take them home so they can be surrounded by family as they transition. That transition time might be anywhere from two weeks to several months.

To learn more about helping a family member move toward the light read “Golden Years: How To Age Gracefully and Take Care of Seniors” – available as an e-book and paperback at AngelsPress.com.

Boyfriend Won't Destroy Sex Tape

Dec. 11, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My boyfriend and I are both in our 40s and are in pretty good shape.  We like to explore each other so one night we got really wild and made a sex tape.  He got mad when I found out that he did not destroy it like I had asked.  Should I be worried?  Sex Tape, Texas

Dear Sex Tape:

Yes you should be worried because if that sex tape gets out there then it will not only embarrass you and your boyfriend, what about your kids and other family members? 

If your boyfriend want to keep the sex tape as some type of souvenir – then that is too dangerous.  What if you and he break up?  He can hold that over your head!  

If he is so in love with the sex tape then there is a chance that something deeper is going on.  Is he addicted to porn on the computer or some type of other gadget?  

Some men get addicted to porn and it takes over their lives.  So look for his desire to hang onto the sex tape as some type of deeper issue in your relationship.

Longtime Friendship Drifting Apart

Dec. 7, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I met a friend over 20 years ago when we both started working at this job together.  After about 5 years I transferred to another city but my friend and I kept in touch over the years and made it a point to get together over the years and talked at least once a month by phone for hours.

My friend spent a lot of time on the phone bashing or talking negative about men.  We were both single for a long time but now that I found a mate, my friend no longer wants anything to do with me so should I even care? Standoffish Friend, Alabama

Dear Standoffish Friend:

No you should not care -- friends are a dime a dozen and you probably have not met some of the people who will be your best friends in this life so it's time to move on.

Many friends lose touch over the years and many just go their own way or drift apart. The fact that you were friends for that long is astounding.

The fact that you are in a meaningful relationship now after so many years, have probably caused your friend to be a little jealous also, especially if she spent many of her years talking negative about men.

She probably feels a little betrayed by you because you have found a meaningful relationship and she has not. You and your friend are just in different places in your life now so of course it will cause anyone to drift apart.

Count your blessings that you had a good friend like her all those years but everyone has to eventually move on.

Negative Husband – Negative Marriage – When Is It Time to Move On?

Dec. 4, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been married for 10 years.  My husband is always negative.  He has no friends of his own and he constantly sits around the house and complain, complain, complain.  We don't have any kids and I don't work, but I am still thinking about leaving him, but my finances tell me I can’t go anywhere.  What do you suggest?  Need To Leave Marriage, Florida

Dear Need To Leave Marriage:

Many people are just negative - the naysayers, the doom and gloom people - and no matter what you do, they will not change.  Many men need to understand the phrase "Happy Wife, Happy Life."  In other words, if men don't keep their wives happy, then they are in for a rude awakening.

Many women have said the same thing about their marriage and many of them stay and some leave.  Many women stay because they are afraid to live alone or they don’t see anything better on the horizon but why waste the most valuable years of your life on someone who could give two cents? 

It all depends on if you want to explore other options. Reach out to family members to see if you can move in while you become financially secure with your own job or business.  That option has got to be better than what you are putting up with at this time.

Do whatever you have to to make it work but if you are at the end of your rope, then it’s definitely time to move on. Make a list of the pros and cons of your marriage, tally them up and weigh the cons against how you feel living the life you are living now.

A licensed counselor may be able to steer you in the right direction, which could include working with a marriage counselor to hang onto the marriage or consulting a lawyer and getting a divorce.

There is probably a man out there that will love you and would love to make you happy but you will never know this if you continue to stay in a loveless, negative marriage.

How Can I Cut Down On Spending Too Much Money When I Shop?

Dec. 3, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I know that I buy too much when I shop for clothes and accessories.  Can you think of any ways that I can cut back when I go shopping?  Spend Too Much Money, TX

Dear Spend Too Much Money:

Put yourself on a budget and stay on it.  You know how much you should spend when you go shopping so don't be tempted by what you see.

Don’t go to the mall or other stores when you’re in a lousy mood.  A study has found that people who were feeling depressed when they shop, were willing to spend 30% more than consumers who were in a better frame of mind.  So make sure when you shop you – SHOP HAPPY!!!!

Stay away from stores unless you are there for a reason. Always use a list when you go shopping and take a calculator with you.  

Before buying anything ask yourself if it is a “need” or “want.” A need is a necessity (food, clothing, shelter, etc.) but a want is a desire and you don’t have to fill desires.

Renting A Room to A Friend

Dec. 2, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I live in a nice size comfortable home alone.  One of my best girlfriends, who was recently divorced and don't have any children, is looking for a place to stay.  She asked if I could rent her a room.  What do I need to know up front?  Allowing Friend to Move In, Washington, DC

Dear Allowing Friend to Move In:

Getting a roommate is a great way to make extra money but you don't want it to become a nightmare at the same time, so there are several things you need to put into place first.

The first step you should take is to “get legal” by writing up a formal lease, just as if that person were renting an apartment.  You can find one online. 

Hopefully it doesn’t come to the point where you will actually have to pull out the lease and remind your roommate about agreements. 

You might be living with a friend but you never know how someone is going to act until you actually live with them, so be ready to handle any situation that arises.

Consider asking for a deposit in case of any damage or repairs to her room. Then you need to set some ground rules.  Have a meeting with your new roommate and discuss keeping common areas clean.  If you have ever seen the “Odd Couple,” then you know that a slob and clean freak don’t match. 

Discuss rules for visitors and let her know what are the reasonable hours for entertainment.  Talk about your tolerances to loud noises and music.  Also discuss overnight guests and how long they can stay.

Discuss other things such as taking out the trash, personal space, borrowing things, if pets are allowed, tardy rent payments and other important issues to you. 

The goal is not to let living together tarnish your friendship, so it’s important to set some ground rules.