What Should I Do About Discrimination in the Workplace?

Mar. 26, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I believe I am being discriminated against in my job.  I am treated differently than other employees in the workplace.  The last two times that we received workplace appraisals, I received a lower rating than others even though we are all doing the same job.  So what is the first step that I need to take to resolve this situation? Unhappy Employee, Alabama

Dear Unhappy Employee:

You can ask for a meeting with your supervisor and discuss the issues with him or her.  Start documenting everything that is happening in your workplace.  If the unfairness doesn’t stop there, then you can go to your union or file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) (EEOC.gov).

Unless you are terminated from the job, you might not need to obtain an attorney right away.  But now is the time for you to learn everything you can about the EEOC laws, rules and regulations.

If you’re looking for a lawyer, there is a book entitled “The Best Lawyers in America” or always get a referral for a lawyer from others in the community.  You can also check with National Employment Lawyers Association (NELA.org) for an attorney.

When you reach the point at which you have to retain a lawyer, seek out the best you can afford.  You will probably have to exhaust local remedies through the EEOC office through an investigation before winning a “right-to-sue letter” allowing you to take your case to court.

I have 3 e-books on workplace discrimination which you need to read WorkplaceSurvival Guide: How To Fight Discrimination, Whistleblowing and the Workers’Compensation System and Discrimination 101: The Complete Guide to Recognizing and Surviving Discrimination in the Workplace (Volume 1 & Volume 2).  Also check out my “Workplace Blog” at http://cathyharris-workplace.blogspot.com.

Sister’s Health Has Deteriorated from Using Health and Diet Scams

Mar. 25, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My sister’s email box is continuously flooded with scams for one thing or another.  She has been losing weight by going up and down for the past 20 years by using some of these health and diet scams but now her health is deteriorating.  What can you tell me about these scams in email boxes?  Health and Diet Scams, Louisiana

Dear Health and Diet Scams:

Many email boxes today are continuously flooded with scams for one thing or another and people today are really gullible.  Most email providers or individuals have set up their inbox so that these spam emails goes directly into the spam folders so they can be deleted.  

Pills that let you lose weight without exercising or changing your diet, herbal formulas that melt your fat cells so that they are absorbed by your body, and cures for impotence and hair loss are among the scams flooding most email boxes today.  But these gimmicks don’t work!  The fact is that successful weight loss requires a reduction in calories and an increase in physical activity.

Beware of these “KEY WORDS” on products -- case histories from “cured” consumers claiming amazing results; testimonials from “famous” medical experts you’ve never heard of; claims that the product is available from only one source or for a limited time; and ads that use phrases like “scientific breakthrough,” “miraculous cure,” “exclusive product,” “secret formula,” and “ancient ingredient.”

These are all ways that consumers get hooked on these health and diet scams.  To learn about how the human body operates read my health book “How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide toBecoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days.”

Can I Stop Making My Student Loan Payments Now That I am Unemployed?

May 24, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been making my student loan payments on time since finishing up with college.  I had a good job but was recently fired so how do I stop these payments until I can gain employment again?  Unemployed, Ohio

Dear Unemployed:

All you need to do is talk to the lender or service provider for your student loans.  Make sure they have your correct mailing information including your address, phone number and an email address. 

It’s important to know the difference between a “deferment” and “forbearance.”  Students should conduct extensive research before they consolidate their student loans.  Once they have consolidated certain types of loans, they are no longer eligible for a “deferment” but they still might qualify for a “forbearance.”

A deferment means students may postpone making payments on their loans under certain specific conditions.  If they are having difficulty making their loan payments in a timely manner, they may qualify for a loan forbearance.

Their servicer may allow them to reduce their payment amount, extend repayment length, or temporarily stop making payments if they apply for a forbearance. However, a forbearance is granted at the discretion of their servicer, and students may be asked to provide reasons or documentation to prove their eligibility.  Students still will remain liable for the interest that accrues on the loan during the forbearance period.

When Do I Need To Start Paying Back My Student Loans?

Mar. 23, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I just finished up with 4 years of undergraduate studies and I need a break from school for now.  So I am not sure if I will attend a graduate degree program at this time.  When will I need to start paying back my student loans? Responsible College Student, North Carolina

Dear Responsible College Student:

If you are getting ready to graduate or have graduated recently from undergraduate studies and haven’t heard from your loan servicer, make sure you check that they have up-to-date contact info for you including your address, email and phone changes.  Make sure this information is being mailed to you - not your parents.

Remember students will have to start paying back their student loans 6 months after they finish with a college or a university -- unless they inform lenders or loan servicers they are continuing their education.  You don’t have to begin repaying most federal student loans until after you leave college or drop below half-time enrollment.  However, PLUS loans enter repayment once your loan is fully disbursed (paid out). 

Your lender or loan servicer must provide you with a loan repayment schedule that states when your first payment is due, the number and frequency of payments, and the amount of each payment.  Keep in mind that your loan may have a grace period. 

Some students take up to 30 years or more to pay back these loans so don’t think this will be an overnight process.  Depending on your work situation, the amount can be negotiated several times so the goal is to stay in touch with these loan servicers and don’t default on your student loans.

If you neglect to send in student loan payments for nine (9) months, you are technically in default.  If you default on your student loans, the government can take your income tax; Garnish your wages (10 to 15%); Take you to court; and you might not be able to renew a professional license.

Workplace Class-Action Lawsuits vs. Individual Lawsuits

Mar. 20, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I heard that class-action lawsuits can be stronger than an individual lawsuit.  I would rather file a class-action lawsuit against my company instead of an individual lawsuit.  Can you tell me more about class-actions? Disgruntled Employee, Washington, DC

Dear Disgruntled Employee:  

Sometimes you will be better off filing a “class action lawsuit” versus an “individual lawsuit.”  A “class complaint” is a form of lawsuit in which a large group of people collectively bring a claim to court.  In some cases, an outside organization that shares a strong interest in your case may offer help to form a “Legal Defense Fund” especially if the individual complaint turns into a class-action lawsuit. 

Many times you only need four (4) employees to start a class-action lawsuit but of course at least 10 or more is always better.  The reason class-action lawsuits are powerful and usually effective is because these types of complaints bring in large scale media attention which results in changing policies and procedures in the workplace.

Attorneys who file class-action lawsuits, are often the winners of large settlements, compared to their clients.  These class-action attorneys and complainants do not have to reside in the same cities.  Sometimes it would be better for the class-action attorney to contact each individual instead of you trying to solicit others from your job or former employees to join a class-action.

You can read more on how to set up “Legal Defense Funds” in the book “How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide to Empowering Your Family and the Entire Community” or “How To Set Up A Legal Defense Fund for False Imprisonment or Wrongful Workplace Termination.”

Online Company Stole My Money

Mar. 19, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been traveling the last three months and making a lot of purchases online but I did not check my bank statement as often as I should.  While online the other day, I noticed that a large sum of my funds had been taken out of my account by a company that I am not aware of. 

Because I did not notice the problem right away, I am having a hard time getting the bank to put the money back into my account.  What can I do to hold the bank accountable for these missing funds?  Missing Funds, Kentucky

Dear Missing Funds:

Most banks are set up to go back and investigate these types of issues.  They even have their own fraud departments for this so I am sure if you are patient, they will be able to tell you what have happened to your funds.

Usually banks will put your money back into your account, then they will go after the guilty party that illegally stole the funds, however, because you waited a long time before you spotted the missing funds, I don’t know your bank’s rules and regulations. 

Three months is a long time for anyone to go back to try to investigate what happened to your funds so again just be patient.  These are the kinds of risks you take when you don’t go online and check your bank account balances as often as you should.  Everyone should make it a point to check their bank balances at least once -- if not twice a day. 

In this age of technology, it’s extremely easy for others to steal your funds especially online.  Most banks advises everyone to get two debit or credit cards and use one only for online purposes in order to keep down these types of risks.

Am I Shallow For Leaving My Wife Because She Gained Too Much Weight?

Mar. 18, 2015 

Dear Cathy:

I made a big mistake over 15 years ago.  I had a beautiful wife but after a few years of being married, she started gaining weight and eventually ended up weighing over 400 pounds.  So basically I left her by moving away from my town because of her weight problem.  However, now 15 years later, I realized this woman was the best mate that I ever had. 

I have never been able to find another good mate since I left this woman.  When I was home visiting relatives the other day - I saw her and boy does she look great!  My cousin told me she is divorced with one child.  Would I be shallow if I tried to get to know her again or would I be crazy to think she would give me the time of day?  Shallow in Texas

Dear Shallow:

It’s unfortunate that it took you all these years to appreciate your former wife.  Yes she will probably call you shallow and you deserve it.  However, don’t worry because many men (and even women) make this same mistake.

They have a good partner – one who is loving, kind, honest and totally devoted to them, however, many people think that the pasture is always greener on the other side.  But when they leave their mates, they realize that they had the perfect person the entire time.   

There is no greener pastures and if you were lucky enough to walk down the aisle with Mrs. (or Mr.) Right, then you need to be there for that person to help them lose their weight.  Marriage is about devotion to each other so instead of walking out of a completely sound marriage, you should have really figured out what you needed to do to help your wife lose the weight. 

She might be excited to see you but the bottomline is, she, her relatives and friends will never forget what you did.  Even if you get back together with her – she will probably never love you like she did in the past.

Do Workplaces Discriminate Against Potential Employees With Bad Credit?

Mar. 17, 2015

Dear Cathy:

Do you have info relating to the discriminatory hiring process on employers refusing to hire based on personal consumer credit?  Bad Credit, Utah

Dear Bad Credit:

Credit information provides insight into an applicant’s integrity and responsibility towards his or her financial obligations.  The 3 credit bureaus (Experian.com, Equifax.com, TransUnion.com) have been helping employers make better employee hiring decisions by quickly and cost-effectively providing objective and factual credit information. 

The Fair Credit Reporting Act, as amended by the Consumer Credit Reporting Reform Act of 1996, allows employers access to a consumer's (potential employees) credit report for employment purposes.

The law requires prior to pulling a consumer’s (potential employees’) report, they provide a separate, written document to the consumer disclosing that a consumer report may be obtained for employment purposes and obtain written authorization from the consumer for pulling his or her consumer report.

Prior to taking adverse action, based in whole or in part on the consumer report, the employer should provide to the consumer a copy of the consumer report and a summary of the consumer's rights as prescribed by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC.gov) ("Consumer Rights") .  The employer must not use a consumer report in violation of any applicable federal or state equal employment opportunity law or regulation. 

These employment decision-making tool has been in place for quite some time but we did not see the full scope or severity of it until the 2007/08 financial and housing crash when many employees were denied jobs because of their credit.

What’s unfortunate is according to many financial experts, at least 79% of all credit reports have some type of error; 25% have serious errors; and 20% list old accounts that should have been closed.  Potential employees who apply for jobs dealing with credit and finances, along with many city, state and federal law enforcement officers will be denied jobs because of their bad credit.

Again this is the new law of the land so your only options are to apply to jobs that don’t require a credit background check or clean up your credit by ordering a report from all 3 credit bureaus at http://www.AnnualCreditReport.com.

If you feel you were discriminated against because of your credit or if misinformation was used to deny you employment, then you always have the right to file a lawsuit against that company. 

Women Treated Like Second-Class Citizens in the Church

Mar. 16, 2015

Dear Cathy:

Do you have any info on discrimination in a Baptist Church against women?  The church believes women are to be second-class citizens. Men ministers are treated better than women and many of the women earn lower wages and other women are not even on the payroll so they receive unfair treatment and disrespect.  Evangelist, Tennessee

Dear Evangelist:

The church is a business, so therefore, they must adhere to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission’ (EEOC.gov) laws, rules and regulations.  Many churches, like other male-dominated industries, have issues with treating women ministers and other women involved in the church fairly.

If you are employed or received a paycheck from your Baptist Church then you are considered an employee.  If you or the other women in your church are receiving lower wages than the men or no wages at all even though they are doing the same duties, then that is a major problem.  The women can come forward and file an individual complaint or a class action complaint where you only need 4 individuals to get started. 

According to EEOC, there are legal requirements for a person who is thinking about filing a workplace discrimination complaint.  Most workplace complaints are filed on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or age.  The law forbids discrimination when it comes to any aspect of employment, including hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoff, training, fringe benefits, and any other term or condition of employment.

Title VII’s broad prohibitions against sex discrimination specially cover Gender Discrimination.  Gender discrimination covers both females and males, but the origin of the law was to protect women in the workplace and that is its main emphasis today. This discrimination occurs when the sex of the worker is made a condition of employment or where there is a job requirement that does not mention sex but ends up barring many more persons of one sex than the other from the job.

There are a number of special categories where employer rules have been found to discriminate due to sex.  These include separate lines of promotion or seniority for women, payment of different wages for the same work, and different pension and fringe benefits.  Employer rules barring women from certain jobs based on their marital status or the fact that they have minor children to care for, or treating women differently from men when involved in workplace affairs or extramarital relations, are all illegal.

You and the other women should sit down with an employment or labor attorney so that everyone can figure out their rights.  If you are not employed at the church, then you can be a witness for other women.  Your other option is to leave that church and look for another church home.  If you’re looking for a lawyer, try to get a referral from others in the community or check with National Employment Lawyers Association (NELA.org).

Volume 2 of my e-books “Discrimination 101: The Complete Guide to Recognizing and Surviving Discrimination in the Workplace (Volume 2)” - deals specifically with many issues that women face in the workplace.  It’s important that you read both books (Volume 1 and Volume 2) to totally understand your rights in the workplace along with the book “Workplace Survival Guide: How To Fight Discrimination, Whistleblowing andthe Workers’ Compensation System.”  Also check out my “Workplace Blog” http://cathyharris-workplace.blogspot.com.

Are Credit Repair Services Scam Artists?

Mar. 12, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have had bad credit for the past 10 years but I am at the point in my life where I would like to clean up my credit.  I am thinking about using a credit repair service to help me. Are there any reputable agencies out there or are they another scam?  Bad Credit, Oregon

Dear Bad Credit:

The companies that advertise credit repair services appeal to consumers with poor credit histories.  Credit repair scams offer to erase accurate negative information from your credit file so you can qualify for a credit card, auto loan, home mortgage, or a job.

Rebuilding a credit report is not a quick fix situation and takes approximately one to two years.  It generally takes about two years for 30% to 40% of people with bad credit to turn things around.  Don’t fall for the credit-repair scams that promise to fix your credit overnight.

Reestablishing credit by making payments on time after a period of late payments will help to raise your credit score over time.  Making payments on time establishes a good credit standing.  These credit agencies closely monitor how you pay all your bills.  Having a good credit rating is valuable, and it’s something you’ll want to protect.

For many, it’s simply a matter of cutting back on clothes, cable TV, and other leisure items that you don’t necessarily have to have.  It might mean downsizing an automobile and opting for a smaller, less expensive car, or simply making a decision to use public transportation for the immediate future.

Not only can’t they provide you with a clean credit record, but they also may be encouraging you to violate federal law.  So yes these are scam artists who promote these services.  Again only time and effort along with a personal debt repayment plan will improve your credit.

If you follow their advice by lying on a loan or credit application, misrepresenting your Social Security number, or getting an Employer Identification Number from the Internal Revenue Service under false pretenses, you will be committing fraud.

Are Credit Repair Services Scam Artists?

Mar. 11, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have had bad credit for the past 10 years but I am at the point in my life where I would like to clean up my credit.  I am thinking about using a credit repair service to help me. Are there any reputable agencies out there or are they another scam?  Bad Credit, Oregon

Dear Bad Credit:

The companies that advertise credit repair services appeal to consumers with poor credit histories.  Credit repair scams offer to erase accurate negative information from your credit file so you can qualify for a credit card, auto loan, home mortgage, or a job.

Rebuilding a credit report is not a quick fix situation and takes approximately one to two years.  It generally takes about two years for 30% to 40% of people with bad credit to turn things around.  Don’t fall for the credit-repair scams that promise to fix your credit overnight.

Reestablishing credit by making payments on time after a period of late payments will help to raise your credit score over time.  Making payments on time establishes a good credit standing.  These credit agencies closely monitor how you pay all your bills.  Having a good credit rating is valuable, and it’s something you’ll want to protect.

For many, it’s simply a matter of cutting back on clothes, cable TV, and other leisure items that you don’t necessarily have to have.  It might mean downsizing an automobile and opting for a smaller, less expensive car, or simply making a decision to use public transportation for the immediate future.

Not only can’t they provide you with a clean credit record, but they also may be encouraging you to violate federal law.  So yes these are scam artists who promote these services.  Again only time and effort along with a personal debt repayment plan will improve your credit.

If you follow their advice by lying on a loan or credit application, misrepresenting your Social Security number, or getting an Employer Identification Number from the Internal Revenue Service under false pretenses, you will be committing fraud.

Is Network or Multi-Level Marketing (aka Pyramid Schemes) a Good Option?

Mar. 11, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am seeking to become a legitimate business owner but my friend would like for me to join him in a Network Marketing venture.  Is this a Pyramid Scheme?  Legitimate Business Owner, Missouri

Dear Legitimate Business Owner:

Yes you said it.  Network Marketing is also called “Multi-level Marketing (MLM)” (aka Pyramid Schemes).  Multi-level Marketing (MLM) is a marketing strategy in which the sales force is compensated not only for sales they personally generate, but also for the sales of others they recruit, creating a downline of distributors.

Do you seriously believe you can become a successful business owner in someone’s downline?  If you get involved in these types of ventures, you will not have your own business, you will be working for someone else.  Many people who try to gain titles and positions and have hopes of rising to the top never make it.  They carry a revolving door of inflated hopes destroyed by reality.  

These independent distributors recruit individuals to sell a variety of products including household cleaners, diet ads, vitamins, beauty products and much more.  They recruit members of their inner circles, such as family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. These people in turn are advised to do the same.

They especially target groups with large networks on the Internet or in the community.  They look at places where people congregate like churches, libraries, meetings especially toastmasters and other business meetings, conferences -- anywhere there will be a gathering of people.  Also they know that people involved in projects or business owners go to Office Depot, Staples, Office Max, etc. -- so they also recruit others at these types of businesses.

So many people have gotten involved with these Pyramid Schemes and don’t know how to get out.  The reason they don’t know how to get out is because most of the people who recruited them in the first place were family members, friends, neighbors, colleagues including business owners, educators, pastors, police officers, community and civil rights leaders, etc. - everyone that you think should know better -- right?

Because people are so close to the people who recruited them, they rarely sit down and conduct research or investigate the scheme.  Many admit they have lost friendships and had to distance themselves from family members and others who have become obsessed with selling or recruiting them for these illegal Pyramid Schemes.  The more these people invested, the worse their reaction to you.  So get out before it’s too late!

Are Get-Rich-Quick-Schemes Pyramid Schemes?

Mar. 10, 2015

Dear Cathy:

The world is inundated with infomercials day and night offering to give free money, free goods or effortless income.  My daughter spend a lot of her time watching TV or on the internet looking for this free money.  Are these some type of pyramid schemes?  Free Money Seeker, Georgia

Dear Free Money Seeker:

Yes you said it.  These are pyramid schemes.  It’s unfortunate but there are many people out there like your daughter who spends most of their time chasing this supposedly free or effortless money.  She needs to wake up and smell the roses.  The trendiest “get-rich-quick schemes” offer newsletters describing a variety of easy-money opportunities; the perfect sales letter; and the secret to making $4,000 or more in one day.

Some email messages offer valuable goods, for example, computers, other electronic items, and long-distance phone cards for free.  You’re asked to pay a fee to join a club -- then told that to earn the offered goods, you have to bring in a certain number of participants.  You’re paying for the right to earn income by recruiting other participants, but your payoff is in goods, not money.  Many Multi-Level and Network Marketing schemes operate in this manner.

If these systems worked, everyone would be using them!  The thought of easy money may be appealing, but success generally requires hard work.  Most of these messages are covering up “pyramid schemes,” operations that usually end up collapsing.  Almost all of the payoff goes to the promoters and little or none to consumers who pay to participate so avoid these types of schemes.

Daughters Constantly Cheated When Buying, Selling or Maintaining Vehicles

Mar. 5, 2015

Dear Cathy:

There are mostly girls in my family.  My husband passed away when our daughters were very young.  I also have 5 sisters and most of them had daughters so when it comes to buying used or new vehicles and maintaining these vehicles, we are at the mercy of unethical car dealers and mechanics.  Do you have any suggestions on how my daughters can educate themselves on what really happens in the car industry?  Mother of Daughters, Wyoming

Dear Mothers of Daughters:

The car industry remains on the list as one of the top 3 most unethical industries out there.  Even though the car industry is a man’s world – many men are just as uninformed as women when it comes to buying and maintaining a car – but of course they will never admit it.  

It’s quite alarming but according to car experts -- African American women pay on average at least $6,000 more for a new car than others; African American men pay $4,000 more; White women pay $2,000 more; and White men pay $2,000 LESS.

The last thing women want to do is to put car buying and car care on their already list of things to do.  However, no one should be cheated out of their hard-earned money when they go to buy a used or new vehicle, or when they have car maintenance issues so education is the first line of defense against fraud and deception.

When it comes to maintaining a car did you know that most women have never looked at the book in their glove compartments in their cars?  Many don’t even have this book in their cars and don’t know they can buy this book from the car manufacturer.  The book will have the basic knowledge of caring for your car and should be read by everyone.

My two books “A Women’s Guide to Buying a New and Used Vehicle: Everyday Secrets Your Should Know” (Part 1) and (Part 2) (available as e-books only) will lay out an action plan for buying a used or new vehicle and maintaining it.  It will level the playing field for everyone especially women.   

Too Sick to Be a Caregiver So What Are My Options?

Mar. 3, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My parents died when I was young so my sister and I, both in our 40s, were raised by our grandmother.  I am single with no children so I quit my job 2 years ago to become the caregiver for my grandmother as her health deteriorated.  Since my health has also deteriorated, I am thinking of asking my sister, who recently became a widow, to take over the role of caregiver for my grandmother so I can take better care of myself.  What other options do we have?  Caregiver in Michigan

Dear Caregiver:

Caregiving in itself is full of hard realities and isn’t easy on any level.  Just remember up front that not everyone can become a caregiver.  The National Family Caregivers Association states that there are more than 25 million family caregivers in America. 

Three fourths of all caregivers for persons over the age of 50 are women. Approximately 15% of all women between the ages of 36 and 64 are caregivers, with the value of their services provided for free estimated to be worth $196 billion a year.

Sixty-one percent of family caregivers have suffered from depression.  These numbers would indicate that there is an incredible demand for literature on the subject of caregiving for a terminal patient. 

Since there is a lack of medical knowledge possessed by the average caregiver, they face criticism from both their family and from medical personnel as to whether they can handle the stress of becoming a caregiver.  Would the caregiver be able to give injections, monitor an erratic physical condition, help someone bathe, or do physical therapy at home?  

Because we are living longer -- but living sicker, death and end-of-life care have been assigned as a low cultural priority but family members need to decide up front if they are capable of becoming caregivers or if they need to put their relatives in nursing homes, use assisted living facilities or hire home health care workers.  Adult daycare services are really thriving also.  Those are the only options you have at this time. Read more about how to take care of seniors in the book "Golden Years: How To Age Gracefully and Take Care of Seniors."

How Can I Stop Being A Worrywart?

March 2, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am the single mother of two kids.  My husband and I divorced 10 years ago.  My friends and family calls me a worrywart because I am always worrying about everything.  They even tell me that I cause them to have anxiety and this is why they don’t really like being around me.  What can I do to stop worrying so much?  Worrywart, Philadelphia

Dear Worrywart?

Many people are worrywarts.  They worry about everything from sunup to sundown – everything under the sun.  Sometimes parents even pass this down to their kids.  I think women are guiltier of this than men.  Many women are not only the nurturers of families, many today are breadwinners and have to deal with the day to day issues of raising healthy families. 

When most couples split up the kids usually live with their mother so even though women are task with more responsibility today, they still need to stop worrying about everything under the sun.  Worrying about things happening now and in the future will bring you nothing but undo stress.  It will cause the breakdown of your body – mentally, physically and spiritually and put you in a constant state of anxiety. 

Look at the people in your circle.  If they are causing you to have undue stress and anxiety then distance yourself from these types of individuals.  It doesn’t do you any good to worry about things especially things that you don’t have any control over.  Instead look at the things you do have control over, for instance, the actions you are taking in your life.

When the kids spend time with their father or once a week try to get away to work on your ownself - on your mind, body and soul.  Try to relax more and engage in regular exercising which releases feel-good endorphins -- especially calming exercises like meditation and yoga, get regular massages, read self-help books and get plenty of rest.  Most of all eat good natural, raw and organic nutrient-dense foods especially foods for your brain such as green foods that releases feel-good serotonin and take Vitamin D3 mood supplements and Fish Oil and Flaxseed Oil supplements.