Mate Too Tired for Intimate Conversations

Mar. 29, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I got with my mate much later on in my life. I am 50 and my mate is 70 years old. All he wants to do is fall asleep in front of the TV every night while looking at CNN and other news networks and I want to engage in stimulating and intimate conversations and closeness. I am thinking about leaving him for greener pastures. What do you think? Greener Pastures, Idaho

Dear Greener Pastures:

Before you head for the door, your mate needs to go to the doctor to see if there is anything that might be zapping his energy. Many men are vibrant, even in their 70s, 80s or 90s so he could have some type of health issue that he needs to address.

Then you need to look at his diet. However, trying to change the diet of an older person, especially a man, is like pulling teeth and no one really wants to do that. 

Men at this age also are too set in their ways. They are not going to do something else or live another way just because someone want them too so many men have chosen to stay single because of this.

I suggest you have a serious talk with him about how you feel and you might need to figure out that it is as good as it is going to get. The age difference might not have been an issue at first but you need to understand because of his age, there are certain things you will have to give up.

Many men go into their 60s, 70s, 80s and even 90s with a high sex drive but once men lose their libido and are not good conversationalist, then it might be time to move on because it will be as good as you are going to get.

You have a right to want more, especially at your age. Sure when the relationship started, the both of you were all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed but again because of his age, that have all ended. Now like most women your age, you need to decide if this is what you bargained for or are you seriously ready to move on.

Everyone would like to have a life companion, someone exciting with whom to walk into the sunset for their remaining years but if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean you are not living a worthy life. Only you can decide if you are ready to move on. 

Grandson Might Have Autism

Mar. 28, 2016

Dear Cathy:

My daughter was young when she had her baby. I am concerned that my grandson may have autism. He is 14 months old and never laughs or giggles out loud. He also never have responses when spoken to. Sometimes he smiles slightly but he is already walking so is there anything to be concerned about. At his age, he has already had 10 vaccinations. Concerned Grandmother, Michigan

Dear Concerned Grandmother:

Having too many vaccinations that close together that contains heavy metals that turns the brain off and eating GMO processed foods that contains heavy metals can certainly turn off the brain, especially of a young child. So it's important to monitor his progress along the way.

Autism affects mostly male children so you have the right to be concerned about your grandchild, especially if the child’s mother and father are too young to really see what is happening. 

Supposedly, pediatricians performs developmental screenings at each and every visit, and any delays out of the ordinary should be investigated further. Typical autistic features include social interaction difficulties and speech delay.

Autism is a very difficult diagnosis to establish because of the age of a child. Most pediatricians will do an M-CHAT (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers) at 18 months of age. 

If it reveals areas of concern, a full developmental assessment is recommended but what most of us know today is that many in the medical industry do not follow through with patients -- so it will be up to the parents and other relatives, like yourself, to make sure your grandson get what he needs.

Make it a point to visit the pediatrician with your daughter on the next doctor's visit and bring up any questions you might have. Early detection and early treatment will be the key for your grandchild to develop correctly so again stay involved with this issue. You should be commended as a grandmother.

Son Has 3 Fs on Report Card

Mar. 25, 2017

Dear Cathy:

I feel like a failure as a mother. I am a single mother with 3 sons. My two youngest sons grades are okay but my oldest son who is 15 had 3 Fs on his report card. Half the school year is already over. This happened once before but he was able to bring the grades back up. What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen again? Failure As a Mother, Connecticut

Dear Failure As A Mother:

You might think you have failed as a mother just because your son has 3 Fs on his report card but what you need to know upfront is that there are several levels of failures for mothers and this is not one of them.

However, if this happened once before, it should not have happened again. You should have known before now that his grades were in trouble. Sometimes you can't give kids too much space and parents need to be parents. This is why it’s important to attend PTA meetings or try to meet or connect with his teachers every few weeks to see what he is up to.

He still has time to get focused and get his mind right but you need to do your part. Back in the day punishments were sending kids to their rooms but today, students want to go to their rooms because they have a TV, video games, phones and other distractions there so his punishment need to be taking these things out of his room -- until his grades improve. Strip the room down to bare essentials. If he is in any sports, this is where he should be removed from sports.

Next you need to check yourself to see if you are providing good nutrition to your child so that he can concentrate on his school work. If he is eating GMO processed foods containing heavy metals, which shuts down the brain, of course, he will not be able to concentrate in school. So look at his diet and especially his sleep habits.

Then you need to see who he is hanging out with and if they too are failing in school because understand that peer pressure is real. If these individuals are pressuring your son to ignore his schoolwork, then you need to try to get him away from them. You might even want to reach out to their parents and discuss what is happening with your son.

Next you should talk one on one with his teachers and try to find out what the problems are. Is he turning in his homework? Can he do anything for extra credit? If the teachers tell you that other kids are having an influence on him then you need to know this.

Sometimes if certain students are failing a certain class, it’s not the student but teachers so you need to look at the overall grades in the class. If the teacher won’t allow this then talk with the principal because you need to see those grades. If all or most of the kids are failing the class, then it is obviously the teachers fault – not your son.

The last step is to get mentors for him in these topics. Back in the day the teachers would hang around after school to work more with students but today many parents need to seek out mentors in the community from learning centers. Make sure his reading level is up to par for his class.

With texts, emails and phones today – tell his teachers and the principal, that you would like to receive reports every two weeks on his grades, until he brings up the grades. So set this up right away.

Make sure you read the book “How To Raise Smart, Talented and Responsible Children: Dream Big Dreams” – available as an e-book and paperback at www.angelspress.com.

In Love With A Younger Woman

May 21, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am 65 years old but in love with a 30 year old woman. She has 4 kids, ages 3, 5, 7 and 9. I really love her kids and her and have fallen for all of them. We are planning on getting married soon and I want to provide for all of them if something happens to me. 

The problem is, I have an erectile dysfunction problem but she claims she doesn’t care about that. I was young once and somehow I just don’t believe her so what should I do to protect myself. Could she just be a gold-digger? Gold-digger, Arkansas

Dear Gold-digger:

Many older men don’t want to get with younger women, especially when they have such a young family so first of all my hat goes out to you for taking on this responsibility.

Certainly she can be a gold-digger, which is a women who associates with a man chiefly for material gain. However, many younger women do prefer older men because of their maturity and less baggage, however, you have to watch out for other things.

Maybe she doesn’t care about the sex because at this point, with such a young family, she is probably just trying to make sure her kids have what they need. Mothers always put their kids first. However, in the future, it might become a problem.

Meanwhile, you need to protect yourself by providing a prenuptial agreement. Also discuss with a lawyer who specializes in wills and trust about the best way to leave money or assets in a trust for the kids after they reach a certain age – so the money can’t be dispersed prematurely.

Meanwhile, go ahead and get with this women and have fun. There are many benefits to being with a younger partner who can help take care of you as you transition into your golden years.

Single Mother is a Slob

Mar. 18, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am dating a lady that I really enjoy being with, however, when I visit her at her home, I can see that she is a slob. She is a single mother with two kids, ages 5 and 6, and the father is not in the picture. I don’t have any children of my own so I really like her children. How can I speak with her about cleaning up more if we are going to keep our relationship moving ahead? Girlfriend a Slob, Alabama

Dear Girlfriend is a Slob:

First of all you need to understand that when women have small children, it’s hard to keep your home intact because nowadays a lot of kids are spending a lot of their times in their homes – instead of outside like we use to. So you need to consider this upfront when dating a single mother.

I don’t know if you are a neat-freak or what but many neat freaks are often described as having OCD so before looking in her backyard, you might need to look in yours. 

However, the number one issue that most women face in the workplace is depression so coming home and taking care of her family maybe taking a toll on her. If you really like this lady, then maybe you should offer to help her out more around her home.

Things are not always as they seem with single mothers. Not only do they need to multi-task but most put their kids needs before their own. So you need to make sure that you can make her feel special and even bare some of her burden – if you really want this to work. 

Life is hard and relationships are hard but if you think this lady could be Ms. Right, then do what you can to build a life with her.

38, Single But Ready for Motherhood

May 17, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am a successful business woman, 38 years old and still single. I have yet to meet Mr. Right but I believe my time is running out to have a baby the old-fashioned way. What are my options? Ready for Motherhood, Washington, DC

Dear Ready for Motherhood:

There are a lot of options for you at this time. Just because you don’t have that special someone in your life, a lot of women today are going ahead with motherhood. You can go to a sperm bank and use a donor or ask a close friend to donate.

Not everyone gets pregnant the old-fashioned way anymore. Gay and lesbian couples, couples suffering from infertility and surrogate mothers are a few examples of people who often become pregnant without having intercourse. 

There are several effective methods for conceiving without traditional intercourse. Of these methods, the least expensive and clinical is artificial insemination at home. 

This is called the “turkey baster” method. Artificial insemination at home involves introducing sperm to the mother’s vagina with a syringe instead of through intercourse.

First you need to locate a source of sperm. Contact a sperm bank for information about purchasing donor sperm. Or contact a close family friend and ask him to donate. 

Sperm bank sperm has an advantage over acquaintance sperm because it’s rigorously tested to and matched to you in a way that reduces the risk of genetic diseases. 

Because of this, it can cost upwards of $300 per sample. Getting sperm from a friend is free, but your disease risk is higher unless you both submit to testing and genetic counseling.

Next monitor your fertility to determine when you’re fertile. Use a fertility monitor or ovulation predictor kit from your drug store to detect when you are ovulating. Plan to inseminate on the day the kit tells you – you are ovulating and the day after if possible.

Defrost your sperm according to the sperm bank’s instructions or ask your donor to produce your sample into a specimen cup immediately before you plan to inseminate. 

Take a pregnancy test two weeks after insemination if you don’t have a period. If your test is negative, repeat the process the next time you ovulate.

You need to act now because at 40 years of age, there are many risk factors of mothers who have babies. The desire to nurture and to share life as a family is a strong universal need that is felt by a large number of people and one that is not exclusive to married people or couples. 

If you are not comfortable using any of these two ways mentioned in this response, then think about adopting a child. Today many adoption agencies are giving kids to single mothers.

Daughter Doesn’t Want Me To Date

Mar. 16, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am trying to start back dating after 7 years. I have only one child, a 12 year old daughter. My daughter doesn’t want me making plans to spend time with anyone but her. How should I handle this? Dateless in Michigan

Dear Dateless:

You don’t have to get permission from you daughter to date. You are the grown-up – not her. I would make plans to see other men at other places. Of course you never want to invite strangers to your home. Your daughter does not have to know you are doing this.

If you meet someone that you want to get to know further and you think you can bond with, then and only then would it be time to introduce him to your daughter. When you get ready to do this, sit down and talk with her.

Let her know that she will not have to give up any quality time with you if there is another adult in the picture. Tell her it is advantages to bringing someone else in the picture who can offer even more exciting things to do with the two of you.

There is a good chance that she might take a liking to your new potential mate after you explain this to her, but again build a relationship with this man first before bringing her into the picture.

Should I Date With Liver Disease?

Mar. 14, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I have been diagnosed with liver disease. At this point I have very few friends and my skin looks jaundiced. So should I still try to date? Sick and Dating, Ohio

Dear Sick and Dating:

At this point the only thing that should be on your mind is your illness and what you can do to strengthen your body. There will be plenty of time to date once you take a hold of your health but for now you need to look at what is happening to your body.

The liver is one of the most important organs in your body. It’s the largest detoxification organ in your body. What’s unfortunate is that most people livers are only operating at 30% so eventually many people will be diagnosed with liver disease and other health issues. 

If people don’t do what they can to strengthen their liver, then they won’t have a fighting chance because organ failure is the number one reason that people don’t make it today.

Despite what a doctor might tell you, the body has the enormous ability to heal itself so I would seek out holistic and natural communities, which are located in every city and work with these healers and experts to get your health back on track.

Remember that your foods are your medicine so don't allow Western Doctors to put you on medications, which will do nothing but cause your body to deteriorate even faster.

Once you start eating healing foods, especially foods that supports your liver and other organs and foods for your blood type, you will have a fighting chance.

The people that you are trying to meet while dating will not understand your predicament so why try to explain it to them. Why put your energy there when all your energy should be used to focus on getting well again and living a long, vibrant life. 

Once you figure out what you need to do to move forward and take control of your own health, there will be plenty of time for dating. Meanwhile read my book “How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide To Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days” – available as an e-book and paperback.

Pregnant Woman Abused by Husband

Mar. 9, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am 35 and pregnant for the first time with my husband’s only child. I don’t work and my husband don’t want me to have people at our home, including family, so I rarely go out or see anyone. 

He goes out at least four nights a week and comes home smelling like perfume. I know I am depressed so my doctor prescribed antidepressants but my husband won’t allow me to take them. I am lost and don’t know what to do. What if things gets worse after the baby is born? What can I do? Needing Help, Chicago

Dear Needing Help:

At this point how much more worse can things get? It definitely sounds like your husband is an abuser who is controlling and emotionally abusive and might even be cheating on you -- so you need to prepare yourself.

Feeling depressed during a pregnancy under these circumstances isn't surprising so your feelings are to be expected. However, I would be careful taking any type of medication while pregnant because all medications have side effects.

If you have close friends and family, I urge you to tell them what’s going on but don't wait until you have the baby. And while you’re at it, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org. The phone number is 1-800-799-7233. You may need help to get safely away from the relationship.

Married Man Attracted To Other Women

Mar. 8, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been married for 10 years. I am attracted to other women. I dream about them when I am with my wife and my wife even catches me sometimes looking at them. I desire to be with another woman but I am afraid of diseases and other issues that it might cause in my marriage. What should I do? Attracted to Other Women, Boston

Dear Attracted to Other Women:

Being attracted to other women is fine as long as you don’t act on it. It shouldn’t shock you to learn that you are attracted to other women - most men are. You’ve probably even fantasized about one in the last 24 hours. 

No matter how wonderful and attractive your spouse is or no matter how she tries to sustain your interest, there is always someone else out there who will turn you on. This is just life. 

What happens after the head turning, however, is left up to the individual. Many men resort to cheating and others just keep dreaming about other women. This is where "will power" and "self-discipline" comes into play. 

There is a lot more to forfeit if you act on cheating on your wife -- so consider everything upfront. Not only will you be at risk for catching a disease, but do you really want to gamble your relationship on your feelings for these other women?