My Boyfriend Cheats On Me

Feb. 28, 2017

Dear Cathy:

My boyfriend cheats on me. He thinks I don’t know it but several of my friends have seen him in the act. Should I tell him I know what’s happening or continue to ignore it? Boyfriend Cheating, Pennsylvania

Dear Boyfriend Cheating:

Sure you should tell him that you know he is cheating and end your relationship. Some men can’t help the way they treat women, but believe me there are men out there that would be willing to go the extra mile to show you that you are special.

So end your relationship with your current boyfriend and get out there and make yourself available for Mr. Right to come into your life.

Meanwhile, work on your ownself and ask yourself why you were willing to put up with the cheating in the first place. Many women would never have allowed a man to treat them that way in the first place. So seek out the answers from within. Know that you are special and you deserve the best that life has to offer.

Boyfriend Hangs Out At Clubs Too Much

Feb. 27, 2017

Dear Cathy:

I met my boyfriend at the club so we eventually moved in together. After a couple of years, I no longer enjoy the club scene but he still does. My goal is to start a business. What can I do to keep him from wanting to go out to the club 4 or 5 days a week. Club Scene, Oklahoma

Dear Club Scene:

If either person in a relationship is spending 4 or 5 days a week at the club, unless it is business-related, then there is a good chance not too much will be happening in their life.

There are certain businesses that you can start out of a club, but if he is going to the club just to be going to the club, then that might play havoc on any relationship.

You wanting to start a business shows that you want more out of life, so therefore, you will need to decide the best way to proceed forward. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Sometimes when men are not motivated about life, it could be a lot of things happening.

It could be the food that he is eating or the people that he is hanging out with. If it’s the food, that’s something you can change by opting to buy and prepare healthier foods, but if he is associating himself with other people that also like hanging out at the club, then you might have a hard time getting him to stop his destructive habits.

Try to see a family counselor to discuss the different directions you both are headed in. If he is not opened to doing this, then you might have to investigate other options.

Where Can I Receive A Grant To Publish My Book?

Feb. 26, 2017

Dear Cathy:

I am trying to publish a small pamphlet or booklet, which will be around 50 pages so can I get a grant to pay for publishing my book? Seeking Grant, New York

Dear Seeking Grant:

There are a very limited amount of grants out there and the majority is not for book writing. If you are publishing a small book, pamphlet, or booklet, you can actually get it printed at Federal Express, (formerly known as Kinkos) Office Depot or Staples.

So go into their establishments and ask to see samples of their work. The only thing you need to worry about is the ISBN. I don’t think they will put the ISBN on the pamphlets or booklets but you don’t need these anyway unless you will be selling your books.

If you work as a counselor, therapist or some other field, where these will be parts of package deals, then again you don’t have to worry about the ISBN.

Should I Self-Publish or Submit Book to New York Publishers?

Feb. 24, 2017

Dear Cathy:

I know I have a great book and it’s finished so should I self-publish or submit it to the big New York publishers? New Author, New Jersey

Dear New Author:

You can write a letter or get an agent and submit your book to the New York Publishers, however, the chance of getting your book picked up to be published by New York publishers is very slim. 

Today because of the economy, these companies are publishing books for family members, friends and others that they have a relationship with. So don’t spend the next few years of your life submitting letters to these publishing companies.

Instead go ahead and self-publish or submit your book to other smaller publishing companies as long as they are not print-on-demand companies. If you self-publish and have a good book, the New York Publishers can still pick up your book after you mail them a copy, however, just remember upfront that if these New York publishers pick up your book, because of the contract you sign, it gives them the right to do whatever they want with the book include shelving it in 6 months.

If you really want to write a book and keep it out there for the rest of your life, then your best bet would be “self-publishing.”

You can find out more about writing query letters and submitting books to book publishers or self-publishing by reading "How To Write A Book: The Complete Guide To Writing and Selling Your Own Paperback or E-book" -- available as an e-book or paperback.

Desperate To Move

Feb. 22, 2017

Dear Cathy:

My last child is finishing up high school next year so I plan on moving. I am so desperate to move to another city. I am frustrated with everything where I live now. What can I do meanwhile to make the time I have left more bearable? Desperate To Move, South Carolina

Dear Desperate To Move:

You need to slow down and just breathe. Things will be better for you when you move simply because you plan on making it better. Your life is strictly up to you and it’s important for you to keep taking action in order to create the life that you can truly love.

You feel the same way that most people feel, when they don’t like their jobs. When you don’t like your job, you need to seek out another job, even in another city; go back to school and reinvent yourself; or start your own business.

If you have funds coming in and a car, then you can essentially move anywhere. You don’t really need a car, but you certainly need funds to live off. Most people never leave their neighborhoods so for you to think about relocating, it will be a breath of fresh air as you create a new beginning and life for yourself and your family.

Meanwhile, seek out new adventures where you currently live that can help the time pass. Join some of the groups on meetup.com, even if you are leaving. Some of the friendships you make on these groups can be for a lifetime so check out www.meetup.com.

Also when you get to your new city, check out these groups or form your own group. Right now you need to be around like-minded people, with similar interests as yours and sometimes you can find these people online so check out some of the groups on social media.

Now is the time also to be kind to your brain. When your brain works right, you work right so eat good brain foods such as green foods that releases serotonin; exercise regularly, which releases 'feel-good' endorphins, and get enough rest. Put yourself first as you prepare for your new life. Good luck!

Living in a Shelter - Even With a Job

Feb. 21, 2017

Dear Cathy:

We are a family of three -- my husband, me and our 17 year old son. Even though my husband work for the post office, we could not pay our bills so we have ended up in a shelter. We can’t move anywhere else because of my husband’s job and our son was recently awarded a scholarship to pay football at a local college. Do you have any suggestions on what we should do? Desperate, Arizona

Dear Desperate:

First of all the number one goal is to gain access to some type of housing. Since you are in shelter, stay vigilant and try to work with some of the agencies bringing supplies and resources into the shelter. 

Remember that the shelter is only a temporary transitional housing so don't get too comfortable there because these facilities do not want "able-bodied" human beings there.

You can't qualify for any FREE money from the state because you need to have a home or residence to receive this free money (food stamps, etc.). If you are a member of a church or know of a local church, see if the pastor can appoint a family to sponsor your family, who can also help with resources and maybe even temporary lodging.

Also since you have some income coming in, look into extended stay apartments. I know you want to be there to make sure your child is taken care of, but you might need to go ahead and allow your husband to take care of your son, while you move in with a relative, even in another state, just to get you out of the shelter.

I know you want to be there to make sure your child is taken care of so this might not be possible. Your son need to keep his grades up and ask the school for a tutor if you gets behind so he doesn’t lose his scholarship. He can also check with his high school counselor for other scholarships because it’s possible to receive more than one scholarship at a time.

You need to make sure he fills out all the necessary paperwork for college -- and on time. He will be eligible for funds right away with most financial aid offices, so find out the earliest he can apply for these funds.

Even though he will probably be forced to stay on campus as a freshman, he still can qualify to receive money through scholarships and loans, that he can share with the family. So check on this.

I would love to send you my book "Recessive Survival Guide: How To Get Back Into the Driver's Seat," which list several steps on getting into and staying in college.

Can My Boyfriend Be Sabotaging My Health

Feb. 19, 2017

Dear Cathy:

I just turned 55 years old and I am retired. I have never been on any medications. I moved in with my boyfriend, who is 65, about 2 years ago. Because my boyfriend is such an unhealthy eater and is on several medications, we both have agreed to prepare our own meals because he refuses to eat what I eat. However, everytime I prepare to go to the doctor to take my 6 months physical, the weeks before, he brings home tempting foods, to tempt me to eat them.

If I eat these foods, they will usually cause my numbers on my physical to be high. I have noticed that he has done this on more than one occasion so I feel he is sabotaging my health and want me to be like him, on several medications. Is this possible? Worried, Missouri

Dear Worried:

You might be right about what your boyfriend is doing so you need to tell him how you feel about all the tempting foods that he brings home, especially around the time for you to take your physical.

When some men get with women later on in life, they really don’t want you to go anywhere, so they will do things to sabotage your health so you can’t leave. This doesn’t seem crazy at all. I have several friends, who got with men later on in life that also think this might be happening to them.

What you need to have is “will power” and “self-discipline” to not eat the foods. Get two refrigerators and tell him as soon as he eats, you want the tempting foods out of sight so tell him to keep the foods in the refrigerator, instead of having the smells go all over the house tempting you.