Should I Leave My Mate Because of His Diet?

July 14, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I moved in with my boyfriend that I have known for 10 years in another state, after we both retired.  I never wanted to end up with a mate that ate really bad foods. My mate should be known as the 'Poster Boy' for eating bad foods. 

I am a healthy and conscious eater and he is not so we agreed to buy and fix our own meals.  However, sometimes, at least once or twice a week, he brings enough food home for the both of us so he tempts me to eat the bad foods.  

On several occasions I have found myself eating these foods which makes me feel horrible later – plus the foods makes me feel tired and run-down and this is probably another reason why he constantly complains about being tired.  I am so unhappy with his behavior but he won’t stop this so I am thinking about moving out.  What should I do?  Bad Foods, Virginia

Dear Bad Foods:

This is a major issue for many couples who get together later on in life and many couples have even chosen to get two refrigerators.  One thing for sure is you will not be able to change a man in his 50s or 60s because by these ages -- they are just too set in their ways.  But if you truly love him try to work something out.

Yes bad foods will make you feel weak, sluggish and run-down but many people have not been able to make this connection yet.  This is where will-power and self-discipline will play a vital role in your life.  Make sure he understands beyond a shadow of a doubt how you feel about the foods that he eats and tell him that you feel he is tempting you to eat the bad foods also.

Maybe he thinks he is taking care of you by buying enough foods for the both of you but when he sees that you are not eating the foods and that the foods are going to waste, then he should get the message.

Is My Girlfriend Marriage Material?

July 13, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been dating a young lady for over a year and she has many other interests.  I really enjoy our conversations when we are together and our families get along but I want to know if she is marriage material?  Marriage Material, Detroit

Dear Marriage Material:

In today’s world no woman is going to sit at home and wait on a man.  No woman want to be up under a man 24/7 and men today don’t like clingy women.  So chances are if she has her own life, she is probably marriage material. 

She’s got her own interests, friends, and life outside of you. Maybe she engages in hobbies with her girlfriends or has her own business which keeps her busy.  Her world doesn’t revolve around you.  This is the type of women that most men should be looking for so - YES, she is marriage material.

Should I Close My Business Doors?

July 10, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have had my business for 2 years and it is not doing well.  I am thinking about closing it down.  Can you give me anymore options?  On My Way Out of Business, Georgia

Dear On My Way Out of Business:

Without telling me what type of business it is -- I can’t give you direct advice but what you need to understand is that most businesses do go out of business within 2 to 5 years and there might be many reasons for this.

One of the main reasons for this is not conducting enough research.  Remember the research stage is the most important stage of starting a business and the more research you conduct on the front end of opening a business, the better chance you will have being successful at the back end.

Also every business owner whether they are young or old, should have a business mentor, coach or consultant to work with them so they can avoid mistakes -- especially financial mistakes.

Sometimes you have to step back and reevaluate your business to make sure you started the right business in the first place so if your business is not your passion, then chances are – you will go out of business.

You can read more about business ownership in my book “How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide To Starting Your Own Business” – available as an e-book and paperback.

Married to a Homebody

July 9, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband and I are both retired at age 62. He doesn’t have a lot of friends. He has spent a lot of money on our home making it comfortable for the both of us.  The problem is now that he has fixed up our home, I can’t get him out of the house to save my life.

He use to at least take me out to dinner, a movie and for a walk, but now I can’t get him out of the house.  He keeps busy by doing chores around the house or fixing something up at home.

After that he eats dinner and props himself up in front of the TV until the wee hours of the night.  How can I get him to look at me again and treat me like I should be treated? Sick of Being With a Homebody, Alabama

Dear Sick of Being With a Homebody:

Sometimes especially when men age, they get set in their ways and want to do things only the way they want to do them and when they want to do them -- so trying to get him unstruck from these bad habits will probably be extremely hard.

By making his home comfortable for the both of you, he is saying that his home is his castle.  Many people are homebodies and obviously so is your husband which means they enjoy staying at home instead of going out.

He made your home comfortable for the both of you but relationships just don’t involve staying at home all the time so tell him how you feel.  However, by ignoring you it can cause serious ramifications if he is not careful so make sure to get your point across to him.

When couples retire, they think their life will be one way but it may turn out to be another way so don't get frustrated.  Just because he is a homebody doesn't mean you also need to be a homebody.

If he is still unresponsive to your needs, get female friends, take up hobbies and get a traveling companion and do things outside of your home without him.  You can start by going to meetup.com for a wide variety of choices.

When he sees that you have other hobbies taking you away from home, it might interest him again to look at other activities especially activities that can involve the both of you so don’t give up.

Working Too Much Outside of School

July 8, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I just started college and have a job on the side but I am wandering if working too much outside of school will hinder me from obtaining my college degree.  What is your advice?  Working Hard in College, Minnesota

Dear Working Hard in College:

College is a time for you to have adventures and meet new friends that will probably be in your life for the rest of your life.  Getting a job in school is not a bad thing to do. As a matter of fact, it builds character. 

But you should work only to support your basic needs while you are in college.  If you find yourself working non-stop in order to pay for things that you shouldn’t be buying in college, then that is when it is time for you to settle down and reconsider your priorities.

Your professors are not going to care if your grades are in the toilet because you are engaged in too many outside activities so it is your responsibility to keep up in class. You will have the rest of your life to work, make money and buy all the finer things in life so be careful taking on too many responsibilities while you are in college.

Should I Leave Financially Secure Mate?

Jul. 3, 2015

Dear Cathy:

At 55, I am being wooed by 2 different suitors who live in other states.  One I think I could be happy with, even though I have been living with my current mate for over a year.  My mate and I have a long history together, an on and off relationship for the past 20 years, and even though I have not been unfaithful to him, six months ago he stopped showing any affections toward me. 

I have tried to talk to him about issues he might be having but he abruptly tells me he doesn’t want to talk about anything.  So I am torn between leaving him because of his lack of desire for affection for me even though he is financially secure.  What should I do?  Financially Secure Mate, San Diego

Dear Financially Secure Mate:

Six months is a very long time but before bolting for the door, first talk to your mate and ask him if you both can go and see a family therapist or counselor.  Even though he might have some type of health issue that he is not willing to share with you, if he is not opened to the idea of working with these individuals, then maybe it’s time to try something new.  

However, instead of jumping from relationship to relationship, maybe you need to spend some time alone to work on your own self.  Many men (and women) don’t know that they are making their mate unhappy and sometimes you might even need to put it in a letter.  Remember “Men Are From Mars” and “Women Are from Venus.”

Life is short and despite being with someone who is financially secure, money don’t make anyone happy and it certainly can’t buy happiness.  Just remember, however, that the pastures are not always greener on the other side so you might need to work on loving your own self before making a leap to leave your mate. 

You have a long history with your mate so ask yourself if you are actually being true and trying to work things out or is your mate totally unresponsive to your needs.  But still I would not stay with anyone that is totally ignoring your needs.  Again, life is too short!!!

Still Hoping and Searching for Love

July 1, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am a 65 year old female and I have been single for a while.  I would not say I am desperate but I would like to have a mate to hold and caress me and make me feel special.  Is this even possible anymore for someone that is 65 years old?  Still Hoping and Searching, California

Dear Hoping and Searching:

You are looking for the great American dream and some time you will have to let go and learn to love your ownself first.  I would have hoped by age 65 that you would have already learned this.

They say there is someone out there for everyone and you might have to lower your standards.  Many men (and women) can sense desperation in women and they are trying to avoid these women at all costs. 

Many men in this country are experiencing Erectile Dysfunction (over 40% at age 40) because of living in toxic environments, eating a toxic diet (GMOs) and not exercising.  So they lack the desire to take the steps to make any woman feel special. 

All this desire, touching and affection is overrated in many relationships and sometimes for many couples it will be as good as it get.  So you really need to figure out your priorities and take steps to love your own self – starting with your brain.

Try to get involved with a hobby or start traveling. The goal is to fall in love with yourself first.   If it is meant to be it will happen.