Saturday, February 27, 2016

Wife Attracted To Other Women

Feb. 27, 2016

Dear Cathy:

After 25 years of marriage, my wife told me she is attracted to other women. She said she has only acted on this a few times before but at this point I can’t really trust anything that she says to me. Every day I wonder where our relationship stands. One day she says she wants to work it out and the next she says we should get a divorce. I don’t know if I should end this or wait to see where it goes. What do you think? Wife Attractions, Connecticut

Dear Wife Attractions:

Marriages today are extremely hard to deal with. You think you will spend the rest of your life with someone, then someone tragic like this happens. Being attracted to another man or woman is not a crime, but once a spouse acts on those attractions, then it's time for one or both of you to take action. 

I would handle your wife’s attraction to other women the same as if she was attracted to other men. I know it can be a shocking and painful situation that have left a lot of confusion on your part but being unfaithful is being unfaithful. 

If you and she are ever going to survive what is happening, you will have to take action and move on. The sooner the better so the both of you can carve out some type of life either together or away from each other.

Counseling of course is a good first option but not just counseling to keep you together but counseling to help you go your separate ways. Also read the book “The Other Side of the Closet,” by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., and check out this support group entitled the "Straight Spouse Network" (, which offers emotional support after a wife or a husband comes out as yours did.

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