Monday, May 16, 2016

Should I Allow My Ex-Mate To Help Me Move Out of His Place?

May 16, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I have known my ex-mate for 15 years and after we both retired, we moved in together. However, it did not work out, so I am moving out of my boyfriend’s place after 3 years. We had some good times but overall we were just not compatible, so we both agreed a separation was needed.

I had it pretty good while living there. I only paid for my food and car note and he paid all the other utilities. I want a new start and prefer that he did not know where I moved even though I am only moving 5 hours from him to another city.

I don’t have a lot of money to move and he has offered to assist me in the move and to help furnish my new place. So should I allow him to assist me, even though he will have my new address or should I try to do the move by myself, which will be a hardship on me. Hoping for New Start, New Jersey

Dear Hoping for New Start:

Life goes on and when you realize that you are not compatible with someone, it's time to make changes in your life. Who knows what the future might bring. Somewhere down the line, both of you might find your way back to each other.

But meantime why continue to waste some of the best years of your life in a situation where you are not happy. If you and your boyfriend are parting as friends and you both agreed on the separation, then why put pressure on yourself if you don’t have people to help you move or can’t afford movers.

If he has offered to pay for everything and to assist you with furnishing your new place, then why not take his charity, this one last time. This way you also don't have to walk away from the relationship with nothing, so allow him to help you furnish your new place and with the move.

Both of you are too old to be playing games. Like you said you guys have known each other for 15 years, so you have history together. As long as the relationship was not volatile, then I don’t see why you should not take his charity.

He is offering to help you with the move and to furnish your new place, which is his way of showing you that he appreciated you being in his life, which is a generous gesture on his part.

It's always great to have good friends. Try not to burn bridges with him because he seems like a good friend to have in your corner in the future.

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