Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Single Mother Feels Guilty Due to Lack of Funds

Jan. 21, 2015
Dear Cathy:
I had a very brief marriage, however, we became the parents of 2 beautiful children.  My ex-husband never paid child support despite the fact that I tried to collect it.  He would just keep moving around to a different state so he did not have to pay it and being a single mother, I did not have the funds to keep hunting him down. 
The majority of the time when I was raising my kids on my own, we had very little funds so they never looked as good as other kids in school.  I always thought I did right by my kids.  So why do I still feel guilty today even though my kids turned out okay?  Feeling Guilty in Virginia
Dear Feeling Guilty:
Many mothers today are in your same position.  You feel guilty simply because you are a good mother -- and will be even a better grandmother.  Every mother feels guilty at one time or another because mothers are nurturers by nature.  
What your ex-husband did was called ‘state-hopping.'  This is when men (or women) would go from state to state in order to avoid the legal system especially in cases of child support.  
What happened in the past is in the past.  Mothers, especially single mothers, need to stop beating themselves up when they can't give their kids everything they would like to.  
Just remember that kids are resilient and as a mother you did everything you could to protect them.  Once your children finish with high school, chances are they will never see their old classmates again so I am sure they have moved on.  So forgive yourself and move on.  

2 comments:

  1. Materialistic things are the least. Protecting, Educating and teaching the little ones how to be self sufficient is what's important. Being an individual, and leading by example is the focus and the children will follow.I know children who have made their mother feel guilty about them not having certain things, so your children were awesome in not doing that.

    ReplyDelete