Afraid of Commitment

Sep. 7, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I have been single for a while and is nearing retirement age.  I own my own home which is a beautiful home that I have put a lot of work into over the years.  Most of the men I meet is not as well-off as I am and many want to move into my home.  I have a fear of getting with someone, then ending up with him taking half my retirement if our relationship do not work out.  How can I get over this fear?  Afraid of Commitment, Michigan

Dear Afraid of Commitment:

Many women find themselves in your position especially as they age.  However, just because a guy is not as well-off as you -- doesn’t mean he will not make a good partner.  Of course before allowing a guy to move in with you, you should get to know him and this might take months or even years.

But at the same time, if he does not listen to your desires and hang around to see how the relationship goes, then obviously he wasn’t the right person for you in the first place.   I know it’s hard separating your feelings and his desire to be with you but again if he truly want to be in your life, he would not pressure you on this. 

As many people age, they want less and many move out of their homes into smaller places but still it might be possible that he is attracted to you because of your beautiful home but again, if he wants to be in your life, he will stay where he is at -- for now -- to see how things come together in the future.

I don’t think it’s that men want women to take care of them, it just as they grow older and if they have very little and see a woman with more, maybe they think it would be easier to move in with them.  Life is full of the unknowns and relationships are a gamble especially today where most couples are choosing to live together instead of walking down the aisle. 

But at the same time, you need to get over your fear and don’t let it keep you from finding Mr. Right, because after all, your home can’t keep you warm at night and you can’t walk down the aisle with your home.