Mom Needs To Act and Dress Age Appropriate

Oct. 29, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My mom just turned 65 years old and is retired.  My father passed away 10 years ago so she doesn’t act or dresses her age at all.  She dresses more like a younger person and dates younger men.  When is it time to become age appropriate and tone down your look?  Need to Be Age Appropriate, Washington

Dear Need To Be Age Appropriate:

What is age appropriate anyway?  The things that your mother do or wear is probably what makes her unique so why try to change it?  She is retired so she is not in anyones’ workplace looking like she does.  No one really want to be a carbon copy of other people so let her live her own life.

According to many women, at age 59 you should ditch high heels, red lipstick, tight clothes and false nails and seek to look more natural but many people are saying in your 40s it’s time to tone down.

Every woman has had her own moments of confronting age in fashion and beauty trends.  Many women say they feel beautiful at any age and are happy to let nature take its course without resorting to extreme anti-aging measures.  

Many feel they look younger than they really are and would never consider any type of cosmetic surgery, so again let your mother live her own life.  If she is out there staying mobile, then that's the important thing because by age 65, many Seniors have resorted to living sedentary lifestyles -- so kudos to your mom for being unique.

Loveless Marriage

Oct. 28, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband has a high pressured job and we both decided to wait until we were married before engaging in sex.  We dated for 6 months and we are both in our middle 30s.  This seemed to be okay with the both of us but on our wedding night, my husband was too frigid to touch me.  He had drank entirely too much alcohol at the wedding reception so by the time we got home, he fell asleep.

Even an intimate kiss would be enough for me now.  I dream of a man who loves me so much he stares at me from across the room, who can’t wait to get his hands on me even if it’s just for a second.  Unfortunately, that’s not my marriage.  Every night since our wedding night, he still refuses to touch me and I am at loss for words.  What can I do?  Untouched in the Midwest

Dear Untouched:

Face it six months is not a very long time to get to know someone.  Despite what the world portrays, there are no storybook weddings in life, however, marriages are about intimacy.  

But what you also need to remember is that many men are not affectionate and don’t enjoy kissing, hugging, snuggling, and other things that women really need as part of their marriage vows.  No matter what you do, that will not change and it can cause couples to stray away from each other.

Of course you deserve happiness.  You deserve to be with that man that everytime he walks in the room, your heart melts.  But nothing will change until you start asking questions and demand answers.

You need to sit down and have a good conversation with your husband.  Something is definitely going on there and as a couple you both need to get to the bottom of it together.

You also need to face facts.  Many men with high pressured jobs might have issues in the bedroom.  And the fact that he drank alcohol your wedding night could have kept him from performing.  Alcohol and his diet will also be reasons to keep him from performing in the future. 

Over 40% of men today ages 40 and over are impotent so your husband may be impotent, gay or so hooked on cyber porn that there is nothing left for you.  But you should make it your business to find out.  If your marriage was never consummated, you may be entitled to an annulment, otherwise, get to the bottom of his issues or even work with a professional.

Should Grandmother Step In to Help Autistic Child?

Oct. 27, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My friend is 50 years old.  She is the Grandmother to 4 boys, ages 5, 4, 3, and 2 by her eldest son.  Her son is married to a wonderful young lady, however, the first child was an outside child by another lady that was on drugs at one time.  This child has never spoken a word even though he is going on 5 years old and about to go to school for the first time.  

The child stays at his father’s house every weekend so the father is heavily involved with the child's rearing just as much as the mother, however, no one, not the father, mother, step-mother or Grandmother, ever sought out any help for him.  

My friend, the Grandmother, said it is none of her business that the child doesn’t talk and she doesn’t feel right getting involved.  What do you think?  Should Grandmother Get Involved, Georgia

Dear Should Grandmother Get Involved:

Three years ago 1 out of 150 kids were born with autism but today it is 1 out of 48 so many kids, especially male children will come down with autism, especially because of GMO foods and the heavy metals in vaccinations.   It's even estimated by experts in the holistic and organic community that 20 years from now, every other male child will be born with autism.

If the child has not muttered a word and is now about to go to school for the first time, this is not normal and it’s obvious that the child is autistic.  If this family is going to see any type of change in this child’s behavior, the treatment should have been started right away especially before the child reached 2 years of age.  However, many families today are in denial about their autistic children. 

I don’t understand why a doctor has not noticed this and even referred the child for special help.  But healthcare today is totally blind to what families really need, therefore, many relatives, especially Grandmothers, will need to get involved with the care of their children and grandchildren.

Surely, they don’t think that the child will just start talking just because he gets around other kids in pre-school.  Many teachers and counselors have seen families go through this and they will probably have recommendations for the family or the child should be referred to family services. 

I believe if the Grandmother do not intervene in the autistic child healthcare, then this child will never receive what he really needs and will be just another child lost in the system.  If she does not intervene she will just be another selfish person because even though the child is not hers, sometimes Grandmothers must act as heads of household and do what is right for the entire family.  Shame on her for saying she doesn’t feel right getting involved.  

How Do I Get My 3 Year Old Out of My Bed?

Oct. 26, 2015

Dear Cathy:

Our 3 year old sleeps in our bed every night so there is no way my wife and I can be intimate.  I have told my wife we need to get her out of the bed, but she refuses to make her sleep in her own bed.  What can I do to speed this process along? Need My Bed Back, Arizona

Dear Need My Bed Back:

Whether you are a single parent or two parent household, you should never get use to your kids sleeping in your bed.  If you don’t get your child in her own bed now, you will really find yourself in a bind when she gets much older. 

Like the old saying go, “Once You Start Something, It’s Hard to Stop It.”  What you have is called a family bed and many couples have this.  This is a common practice of many couples, especially when they have only one child. 

Start putting your child in her own bed but make sure it’s right next door to yours so she can get use to being close but not in the same room and especially not in the same bed.

Let her sleep with a night light on if she needs to because many kids are afraid of the dark.  But she will eventually grow out of this habit too.

Make sure she doesn’t take too many naps in the daytime so she will sleep well at night.  Start talking about bedtime expectations in the afternoon so she will know what to expect when the lights go out at night.  Say something like “Mommies and daddies sleep in their beds, and kids sleep in their own beds.”

You can even make a homemade “sleepytime book”—nothing fancy, just stapled-together paper illustrated with stick-figure pictures.  A picture book can help young children understand their sleeping situation in a very concrete way.

Wife Spends Too Much Money on Clothes and Other Random Things

Oct. 22, 2105

Dear Cathy:

My wife spends too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and other random things.  We have two pre-teens and she doesn’t work but yet she wants to spend my entire paycheck on these items.  Will putting her on an allowance work?  Putting Wife On An Allowance, Florida

Dear Putting Wife On An Allowance:

Many women spend entirely too much money on clothes, shoes, purses, and other frivolous things that they don’t really need.  Many do this in order to feel good about themselves.  They never invest in good food or good supplements, which is really what they need to feel good about themselves in the first place.

So this is a common problem today, especially in many marriages.  Since you are in charge of the funds in your home, yes putting her on an allowance can probably work, however, she has to be on board with this because “Remember the phase, “Happy Wife, Happy Life?”

When couples are struggling financially, they need to figure out how to gain more funds in their household and one of the sure-fire ways to do this is cutting down on spending by getting on a budget. 

Try to approach her lovingly and it may take some time for her to break her habits.  But try to hold regular financial meetings to monitor and discuss her progress.  Use this time also to praise her and encourage each other to keep working towards your collective goals.

Other options are to look at bringing more funds into the household, so maybe she needs to think about taking a job, even a part-time job or even starting a business.  There are also financial classes to help couples and others take control of their spending habits so maybe you should invest in these.

Dating a Younger Man

Oct. 29, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I got a divorce after 30 years.  I moved across country to live with my son and now I am dating a man 25 years younger than me.  I have not told anyone, including my other children about this man but he has made me very happy.  He does not see the age difference as a problem but I am sure others will.  What do you think?  Dating a Younger Man, Texas

Dear Dating a Younger Man:

We live in a society that judges women who date younger man but not men who date younger women.  Age is irrelevant when it comes to love.   If dating a younger man has made you happy, then be happy.  You are too old to worry about what other people might think of you, including your own children. 

Life is meant for you to live, love and be happy.  This is your life and at your age, you are setting all the rules -- so be happy.  There could be a blessing in disguise here too -- for instance, dating a younger man should keep you feeling and looking younger and because of his age, he might not come with too much baggage.

Other women -- and men, unlike you, don’t have the courage to do what you are doing.  Many remain in loveless marriages -- day in and day out -- out of a sense of obligation, even though they are not happy.  

Not only did you choose to move across the country but you allowed your heart to be opened again.  Most people never leave the areas that they grew up in -- so all your efforts to create the life that you truly love should be appaulded. 

How Can I Choose A Good Doctor?

Oct. 14, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My doctor recently passed away at the age of 50.  Right now our insurance gives us the option of which doctor to select.  What should I look for when selecting a doctor?  Selecting New Doctor, Texas

Dear Selecting New Doctor:

When selecting a doctor, choose one that is “board certified.”  The American Board of Medical Specialties (ABMS) is recognized as the gold standards in physician’s certifications.  Being board certified simply means “better care for patients.”

As most women get older, they only want to deal with female ob/gyn specialists.  Many people are not comfortable with their doctors, therefore, they should find a doctor that they feel comfortable with.

If you can’t afford needed medications or if you lose your health insurance, start by talking to your doctor.  Tell your doctor about your change in status and ask if there is any flexibility on fees. 

Your physician might offer reduced payments to maintain the relationship with you.  He or she may be able to help with samples or finding programs to get you what you need.

However, if you totally believe that a doctor is the only person that can help you recover from any type of illness, you need to go to funerals.org, because that is exactly where you are headed. 

Most doctor’s lifespan is 60 years old so how is a doctor going to help you live to be a 100 years old?  So it’s extremely important to get entrenched in holistic and natural communities because those specialists are the persons you should be working with to maintain your health, especially as you age.

Downsizing in My Retirement

Oct. 13, 2015

Dear Cathy:

When my husband and I both retire in a few months, he wants to move to another state to a smaller home.  He is looking for a state with lower taxes?  Is this a good idea?  Moving When Retired, Washington, DC

Dear Moving When Retired:

Many retirees want to downsize when they retire but their egos tends to get in the way.  They think moving into a smaller home will cut back on their monthly expenses, but that tends not to be the case.

They may move into a smaller home, yet the money they save in mortgage payments ends up going to remodeling the home or a new car payment.  When giving up the space, make sure you are actually reaping the benefits.

When downsizing many retirees consider relocating to states that have lower taxes.  This should not be the main consideration when looking to downsize and relocate.  Remember that state taxation rates are always subject to change.

The best way to downsize is to purge your life of things – things that you no longer need.  Downsizing during your retirement years should be about putting more money in your pockets so you can afford to buy organic foods and engage in regular health activities, which in the long run will help you live a longer, more energetic life as you age.

Why Am I Being Told Not To Eat White Foods by the Holistic Community

Oct. 12, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am getting entrenched in the holistic and natural community. The first thing I learned is that I am not suppose to eat any white foods. Can you tell me more about this? No White Foods, Arkansas

Dear No White Foods:

If the holistic and natural community is telling you not to eat white foods, then you should not eat these foods. This community is up to date on many major health issues today.

Couples and families have been told for years to stop and get the bread – honey.  However, bread is a white food which means it can turn into sugar.  White foods are your true enemy.

Diabetes is 3rd overall killer of Americans today and the largest killer of African Americans and the Hispanic community. Alzheimers is also being called "Type 3 Diabetes."

Most people believe to live with diabetes and to keep it under control, all they need to do is to avoid foods with sugar (cakes, pies, candies, sodas, etc.) but this is not the case.

Basically, you should not only avoid foods with sugar but you should also avoid eating any WHITE FOOD (flour, bread, potatoes, pasta, etc.).

These foods turns acidic in your body, which means they have the same exact affect as if you ate sugar.

Even though bread will fill you up quicker, it has no nutritional value, and will turn acidic (or into sugar) along with other white foods in your body.

When commercially prepared white bread first became widely available during the early twentieth century, it was discovered that it was not very nutritious.

Most of the important nutrients in the wheat were eliminated when producing white flour, resulting in white bread that was also lacking in nutrients.

It was determined that people who relied heavily on foods made from processed white flour and cornmeal were becoming ill due to a lack of B vitamins.

White bread contains very little fiber, which is important for digestive health -- so give up all white foods, especially if you are O blood type.

What Age Should I Apply for Social Security Benefits?

Oct. 9, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I want to receive my Social Security benefits as soon as I can so I can retire from my job.  What age should I claim my Social Security benefits? Waiting on Social Security, Alabama

Dear Waiting on Social Security:

Most employees are waiting on the magic age of 62 so they can retire.  This is when they can claim their Social Security benefits.  However, if they live beyond their means (spending more money than they can afford) after retirement, they will find themselves looking for another job.

The full retirement age was 65 for many years, but now it’s 66.  So remember, the earliest a person can start receiving Social Security retirement benefits will remain age 62.

To calculate your Social Security benefits, the Social Security Administration (SSA.gov) will look at many things including the yearly cost-of-living adjustments or COLAs but on average, the benefits are around $1,234 a month, which is not a lot of money. 

However, many Seniors today don’t receive any funds but their Social Security benefits so they have to pay for housing, food and other bills on this small amount.  

This is why many Seniors are living way below the poverty line and don't have access to good food, clothing and shelter.

The goal is to boost your payout.  The amount of your Social Security payments depends on your earnings history, the age you sign up, and the dependents you have.

Many people believe you can claim Social Security early and still get full benefits.  This myth is not only wrong but also dangerous.  When retirees claim their Social Security benefits, they lock in those benefits for life.

Applying for benefits as soon as eligibility begins at age 62 will entitle you to monthly checks immediately.  But when you claim early, your benefits will be 25 percent less than if you had waited until your full retirement age and 75 percent to 80 percent less than if you’d been able to hold off until 70.

If you start receiving benefits as a spouse at your full retirement age, you will get 50% of the monthly benefits your spouse would receive if his or her benefits started at full retirement age. 

Claiming early may still be the right move for some people, such as those with serious medical issues or a family history that suggests they’re not likely to live to a ripe old age.

But with people living longer and retirement sometimes lasting decades, it’s best to make good calculations and see if you can wait longer in order to collect more.  Only you can make this important decision.

Need My Social Security Disability Approved

Oct. 8, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I filed for my Social Security Disability benefits two years ago -- the same time I filed for Workers’ Compensation with the federal government.  Do you have any idea how long it will take for me to get it approved?  Need Social Security Benefits Approved, Missouri

Dear Need Social Security Benefits Approved:

In the federal government, many injured workers can obtain more funds by being in the Workers’ Compensation System than receiving disability through the Social Security Administration (SSA.gov).  

They can even remain in this status for up to 10 or 15 years -- so many do not file a claim for a disability through the Social Security Adminstration, if they get their Workers’ Compensation claim approved. 

However, if you become an injured worker, I would file for both to see which is approved first.  It’s important to obtain some type of funds in your household, so your life can be restored to some sense of normalcy.  

Explore all your options!  You need to realistically look at your situation to see if you need to downsize your lifestyle or move in with family members when you experience any type of disability. 

The Social Security Administration should realize that most disability applicants are experiencing financial hardships during the disability process and it is important for them to receive their disability benefits as soon as possible. 

However, it’s unfortunate that the Social Security Administration is making some people wait up until 10 years for these much needed benefits.  By then many people will just die off, become homeless or disappear. 

Many times while waiting for a claim for “temporary disability,” your injury becomes a “permanent disability.”  So don’t wait to file a claim for Social Security disability benefits.

Like any other disability system, many people who need these benefits are made to wait for years and the people who are simply lying about their situations seems that they can get approved overnight.

I have seen it take up to 10 years max to get approved for Social Security benefits and at a minimum of 2 years.  It all depends on the caseworker who view your paperwork and their particular work ethics to become an advocate and follow-through on your claim.  

Many workers in many workplaces, especially in these city, state and federal jobs, are not only untrained but many are only there for their paychecks. 

Try to respond to all the deadlines in a timely manner.  Missing any of the deadlines might set you back months or even years.  If you can help it, try not to go at it alone.  There are attorneys who specialize in getting your Social Security benefits approved if you are disabled so work with an attorney.  You can learn more about disabilities at the “National Council on Disability” (NCD.gov).

My Daughter Removed from Home Because of Whistleblower Complaint

Oct 7, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My daughter, who is six years old, was recently removed from my home related to the Whistleblower claim I have against ACS, Inc., Xerox and other persons  involved with her case, including the real estate fraud dealings with all my properties.

Please send information or advice on who I should follow through with for reporting purposes.  The Judge may be related to another former Judge, who was warned about the conflict of interest in a probate case for which he was overseeing as a finance person or the like and deciding the case as a Judge. 

The Judge transferred himself into my eviction trials on this property and others, even though he is related to the lady over the counsel.  His actions and others caused the delay in evictions and foreclosure proceedings by the Bank.  She may be also linked to ACS' family as a possible relative.

The Judge attempts to purport that I am mentally ill, even after showing my daughter is on the honor roll, shows me as a loving mom, never had complaints by teacher or counselor while at last school and was seen as attentive, popular, and a good listener. 

The Judge would not allow me to see my daughter except under strict control by DCFS -- so I only saw her for 8 to 10 hours for a 2 month-period.  They rushed her into court without me being able to talk with her, while they framed me saying I coerced her to say that her dad punched her in the chest. 

Then on the last day of the hearing, a social worker submitted a false report of my dealings with her.  They would not allow me to introduce the testimony from the Family Law Judge, which was two weeks prior, where she ruled that my daughter was not in imminent danger and denied the removal. 

So her dad and his attorney shopped for the removal through Juvenile Court.  I will be working on an appeal.   Want My Daughter Back, California

Dear Want My Daughter Back:

It’s seems you have a lot stacked up against you, especially with your child’s father going up against you.  It will be an uphill battle, however, just because things look dark doesn’t mean there is not a light at the end of the tunnel – so don’t give up and stay on course.

Many people don’t understand when you go up against these companies as a whistleblower, they not only come after you but your entire family.  They get relatives, including former spouses and even children, to write damaging statements or testify against you.  This is why many whistleblowers end up in jail, homeless or labeled as mentally ill, especially black women. 

When you blow the whistle, they try to make it seem like you are the person committing illegal acts – which in fact -- it’s them.  This is just how the system is set up.

The best outlet for a whistleblower is the media and now that they have your hands tied, it’s all or nothing for you.  You do need a good attorney, but sometimes you will not be able to obtain the right type of legal representation until you get your case way out there in the media -- so my advice is for you to put your case in mainstream media. 

Every large city has at least 3 whistleblower hotline TV channels/stations, which you can contact to see if they would be interested in your story.  The good news is that they have their own investigative reporters, which will dig for the truth, even if it takes up to 6 months.  So if I were you, I would contact them today.  They will also know about possible attorneys that can work with you on your case.

Remember the media is short on time so arrive on time and be organized, be honest and have all your facts straight.  You need to write down a timeline with dates of everything that have occurred up until now.  When you speak to them be calm and collective because if you are upset, they will not work with you. 

You can also contact the black press at the National Newspapers Publishers Association (NNPA) (www.NNPA.org), who can put your story out to 200 black newspapers nationwide but they are selective about what types of cases they take but remember that every city has these small black presses that will tell your story in a good light -- so find these newspapers and speak with the publishers and editors.

Now is the time to surround yourself with other people that can help you fight.  You need at least 4 or 5 persons around you that are advocates or activists that can work with you.  

You can find these individuals when you contact local civil rights groups at www.NAACP.org, www.RainbowPush.org and www.NationalActionNetwork.net and attend their meetings and work with others on their issues.  These organizations also know of attorneys you can use so again – contact them today.

Now is the time to reach out to whistleblower attorneys and since "the media is the best outlet for a whistleblower,"  also try to go on local and national radio shows including internet radio shows.  Reach out to anyone in your family or other bloggers, freelancers, columnists -- anyone who can write -- especially social media sites.  

As far as the chain of command to file complaints, every company has a website so go to google.com and google them then call and inquire about the complaint process.  Also check google to see if other complaints have been filed against the company because they will list possible attorneys that you can also use.

I wouldn’t expect positive results from these internal complaint systems especially DCFS.  Don’t beat yourself up because of how things have turned out so far because everything can turn around overnight, especially when you surround yourself with others, who can help you come up with solid action plans.  So again – don’t give up!

Remember that people who go through challenges go on to build beautiful futures. The goal is to stay calm and take care of yourself by eating good food, exercising and getting plenty of rest.   Good luck!