Husband Does Not Want Anymore Kids

Jan. 28, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am married and in love with a man who is 55 years old. He is a very good man and provider. I am only 35. I still want to have children but my husband, who has 2 children of his own, don’t want anymore kids so I am torn with staying or leaving the relationship. Because of his ex-wife, I don’t have any relationship with his kids or their side of the family. Should I stay or leave? Torn, Virginia

Dear Torn:

Even though you love this man, it seems to be a little selfish of him to deny you the joys of motherhood, especially since his kids or family is not in your life. 

Every women, or many of us, dreams about the day that we will become a mother. The fact that he doesn’t want any more kids, should make you really wander about your life.

You only live once so you need to decide how important this is to you. Can you live the rest of your life without children?  No one can decide this for you. If you truly want to be a mother then you need to decide if you will stay or leave.    

Can Ginkgo Biloba Spice Up Our Love Life?

Jan. 27, 2016

Dear Cathy:

My husband of 10 years and I are both in our middle 50s and we are always seeking new things to spice up our love life. Since the herb, Ginkgo Biloba, is a blood thinner that helps with circulation, can it help our relationship in the love making department?  Spicing Up Love Life, Georgia.

Dear Spicing Up Love Life:

Yes it can, however, like Vitamin E, Ginkgo Biloba is a blood thinner, which means you can’t mix it with other medications and even be careful mixing it with vitamin supplements and other herbs. 

If you ever have a health emergency, you need to make sure the doctor know you are on this blood thinner so that they can treat you accordingly -- otherwise you can bleed out from a wound.

So if you are taking any kind of medication, either over-the-counter or prescribed, you want to skip using this herb. Sixty-percent of people over age 65 are on at least 5 medications so again if you are on any medications, you want to skip this herb. 

If you are healthy overall, then it can be a good herb to take. It especially helps with ED in men since many men today suffer from ED. Since this herb is good for circulation, it will help your hair grow, with memory issues, and a whole array of other issues.

You don’t have to take it every day for it to be effective so think about taking the herb every 3 or 4 days and it still should be able to help you spice up your love life.

Girlfriend is the Jealous Type

Jan. 26, 2016

Dear Cathy:

My girlfriend is the jealous type, so I haven’t told her about my best friend who I have known for 10 years, who is also a girl. Even though I have kept them apart, eventually they will have to meet. How should I handle this? Jealous Type, Missouri

Dear Jealous Type:

Not telling your girlfriend about your best friend being a women is a form of dishonestly, so you should come clean as soon as possible. By not doing this, you are taking trust away from your relationship at the very beginning.

Most women are only jealous of men who have given them something to be jealous of - have you? Many times jealous types can change, especially if they find out your best friend, who is another female, have a serious relationship of her own. But if she is single, then many women who really care about you, will choose to be jealous of the relationship.

Therefore, you need to make sure that you do not put your friendship over your relationship. You can put your girlfriend at ease when you are away from her by sharing your whereabouts with her, especially when she asks you how your day went.

Many men, who are true to their mates, should not really see an issue with keeping their mates informed on their whereabouts and who they saw while they were away from the relationship. It’s called sharing their life with them. So you should not find this hard to do unless you have something to hide.

Wife Leaves Husband Alone on New Year’s Eve

Jan. 25, 2016

Dear Cathy:

My husband don’t really acknowledge holidays and said he did not really want to go out on New Year’s eve - so I went out with some girlfriends.  He is a homebody and I am just the opposite and crave being around other people.  Was it wrong for me to go out without him?  This was the first time that I left him alone on a holiday and even though he hasn’t said anything, I think it still made him upset that I chose to do this? Partying With Friends, Texas

Dear Partying With Friends:

Many people would say you were wrong to leave your husband at home during such a big and special day, but if he insisted that you bring in the New Year alone, then I don’t see a problem with it.

Some men are just not into holidays. They never have been and probably never will -- so the fact that he initially told you it was okay, should have took away your doubts about it.

However, if he has treated you differently since you made that decision, shows that he really did not believe you would make that decision, even though he left it up to you -- so now it’s time to mend fences.

You need to sit down and reassure him that even though you were out partying with your friends, that he was the only person on your mind. Do something special for him like bring him flowers or a card.  Men try to let on like they don’t like these things, but deep inside some men enjoy this just as much as some women. 

Do someone romantic also like plan a trip out of town or prepare a special dinner for the two of you to celebrate your love. Like women, men just need extra attention and reassurance that you truly love them.

Husband Refuses to Discuss Family Issues with Wife

Jan. 20, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am a housewife so I stay home and take care of our three children who are pre-teens. My husband don’t like talking in bed about things regarding the household so I have tried to restrict these types of conversations out of the bedroom. 

I try to get my husband to a certain place in the home where we can talk but it never works. By the time we get to a spot where we can talk, he is already trying to be defensive. What’s the best way to get your spouse to talk about things that you need to talk about?  Mad at Husband, Birmingham

Dear Mad:

Don't get mad because hostility is not the answer. Some men work really hard at work and have to put up these fronts all day long so by the time they arrive home from work, they go inwards.

However, your husband is not a child and if he refuses to talk to you about family issues or to hold a conversation about the two of you, it seems he is not acting like part of the family. 

Men do need that quiet time when they first get home in the evening but after an hour or two, he needs to open up and talk about things that affects both of you directly. If he doesn’t do this, then you both need to work with a family therapist or counselor. 

Also try writing him a letter and tell him how you feel but first take a look in the mirror and make sure you are doing everything you can to continue to keep the flame burning.

Even if there is no mutual exchange at the time, you must continue to show your husband that you love him, care for him and appreciate everything he does for you. However, let him know that you need more out of the marriage.  Remember “Men Are From Mars and Women from Venus.”

Husband Going Blind But Refuses to Stop Driving

Jan. 18, 2016

Dear Cathy:

My husband is 75 years old and I am 65. He is going blind due to his glaucoma and cataracts but refuses to stop driving. He has had a few near misses when it comes to pedestrains so I am afraid he will end up hurt, killed or in prison. What can I do to convince him to stop driving? Concerned, Michigan

Dear Concerned:

Once he fails the eye test when he has his license renewed, they will no longer issue him a driver's license. One of the greatest joys in life is to be able to do things like read a book or drive a car. 

Many seniors think they will be able to both as they age but because of GMOs and other health issues today, which causes blindness, this is sadly not the case.

We do have to pay attention to any warning signs that age or sickness is interfering with our driving safety and make appropriate adjustments.

As we age, it's normal for our driving abilities to change. By reducing risk factors and incorporating safe driving practices, many of us can continue driving safely long into our senior years.

However, because your husband has health issues, it's time for him to give up his keys. To tell a man that he cannot drive any longer is like giving up being independent. For some men, it’s almost like giving up his manhood. 

But now is the time to convince him that it is the right thing to do. Ask him how would he feel if he ran over a family member, especially a grandchild. You have to convince him that it is time for him to give up his keys.

Let him know that even if he finds that he needs to give up his keys, it doesn't mean the end of his independence. Seeking alternative methods of transportation can offer health and social benefits, as well as a welcome change of pace to life.

Just let him know that you and other family members will always be there to make sure he has everything he needs. 

Husband and Wife Can’t Seem to Get on the Same Page

Jan. 14, 2016

Dear Cathy:

My husband and I can’t seem to get on the same page lately. We fuss about everything. He won’t sit down and listen to my concerns. Do you have any suggestions? Concerned About Marriage, Georgia

Dear Concerned About Marriage:

Relationships are extremely hard especially today so when you’re having a difficult discussion, put your angry emotions aside. You can’t be logical when you’re mad. Both of you might need to put talking off until you both calm down.

Before making a decision about how to handle a problem, make sure you consider all of your options. This requires some brainstorming and working together to create a positive solution. If done correctly, this process alone can heal the difficulty.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong. If you try to blame your partner or make him wrong, you won’t find an answer. You both have to take responsibility for getting your relationship back on a positive track.

Make sure that you are humble and don’t rub your partner’s nose in a misstep. If you gently share your feelings, whichever of you is the offending party will learn from his or her mistake much easier.

But don’t settle for less than a complete acceptance of each other’s point of view. If you walk away disappointed, you have not resolved your issue. For a relationship to work, you both have to feel like you have your partner’s support.

Kids Resisting New Move

Jan. 8, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I am a single mother and I need to relocate for my job 3 states away from my parents. My company provided us with temporary housing for a couple of months so basically we just have to move in. However, my kids who are 10 and 11, are very unhappy about the move. I am thinking about leaving them behind with my mother and father until school finishes in about 3 months, but my mother hasn’t been feeling well. What do you think? Loss for Words, Kansas

Dear Loss for Words:

Being a single mother will take a lot out of you but remember you are the boss. Kids ages 10 and 11 don’t have any say so about what you decide to do as an adult. 

Three months is a very long time to be without your children, especially to leave them in the hands of someone who is not well.

Whether your kids want to move or not, it comes down to one thing, you – you make the decision. Would it be a hardship for you to leave them behind? Would it be a hardship on your mother? 

Kids at that age are resilient and usually can adjust to change and face it, kids at that age, need to be with their mother. However, I would not make this statement if they were in high school. 

Kids in high school have a really hard time leaving their friends behind but now is a good time for you to move so your children can adjust to their new surroundings.

Make the move fun by stopping along the way sightseeing, taking pictures and videos -- so tell your kids that they will be moving but let them know what they will be able to see along the way. Again make the trip fun.

Running Into Road Blocks At Every Turn

Jan. 6, 2016

Dear Cathy:

I would like to move forward and help people by doing my part in this world but I have been met with many road blocks, which have been like a bulldozer, so I don’t know which way to turn. How should I proceed from here? Road blocks, Connecticut

Dear Road Blocks:

The reason you have road blocks in your life is you have not sat down and wrote down what you really want out of your life. Now that it’s New Year this is important more than ever. Write down 5 to 10 things that you want to see accomplished this year and everyday that you get out of bed, you move in the direction of those goals.

When you write things down, it makes them real. Put the list somewhere where you will see it everyday such as on a bulletin board, refrigerator, bathroom wall or mirror, etc.

Before you can make anything happen in your life, you first have to visualize it so it’s important to take 20 to 30 minutes everyday to "meditate" - when you are lying in bed, on the floor, in a comfortable chair or in your car during lunch hours at work. While you mediate you can listen to music or just use this as a quiet time to organize your thoughts.

Are you hanging out with others that is stopping you from living your dreams? If you are hanging out with the wrong crowd, then you can forget moving forward so this is the time to reevaluate who you are hanging out with -- to see if you need to distance yourself away from them.

You can find some great new people in a meetup.com group so go to this website and look for health or business groups in your area and get around “co-dreamers” that will help you make your dreams come true.

Whether you write down your goals, take time out to meditate or get around co-dreamers, none of this will work if you have not put your health first, especially if you are not eating good brain foods.

We all learned in school that the brain affects every area of your body. So remember when your brain works right, you work right. Until you turn your brain back on, you will continue to run into road blocks.

Foods affects every area of your life, from your mood, to your behavior, happiness and entire quality of life so you need to be eating good, natural and organic foods, especially foods for your blood type so read the book “Eat Right 4 Your Type” and implement the 12 health steps into your life from my health book “How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide To Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days" (available as an e-book and paperback book). 

In just 30 days, you can remove many road blocks from your own life, simply because you have rewired your brain to give you more options to take control of your own life. 

Couple Needs To Shop Online

Jan. 5, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband is 50 years old and I am 49.  We still have a great sex life and like trying new things.  He wants me to go to an adult sex store but I know other shop owners next to the store so I am too embarrassed to go.  I told him I would only go if I wore a disguise.  What should I do?  Embarrassed, Arizona

Dear Embarrassed:

Don’t stress about it.  Wearing sunglasses or some sort of disguise will only draw more attention to you.  Think of it this way -- if you run into someone you know, then you need to realize they are there for the same purpose so who are they to judge.

Once you’ve been able to get over the initial anxiety of going in, you’ll be fine.  I am certain you are not the first person that has felt this way.

However, judging by the age of both of you, you both must be old school and not 'tech saavy' because today, you can buy everything online.  So whatever your husband and you are looking for, you can just order it online.

Go to Google.com and put in the words “online sex store” or “online adult sex store” and you will have the world at your fingertips.  Everything that your husband and you desire will be online so stop feeling embarrassed.

Over 50% of men have some form of Erectile Dysfunction (ED) by age 40 so for your husband to still want to play sex games, both of you should be commended and congratulated.