End of Dancing Days

Aug. 31, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I use to dance all the time when I was younger.  During my lifetime, I won many dance contests so dancing has been a part of my life.  However, I recently got with a mate that do not like to dance.  Since my mate doesn’t enjoy dancing, I guess this is the end of my dancing days.  Is there anything that I can do?  End of Dancing Days, New Jersey

Dear End of Dancing Days:

If you have enjoyed dancing most of your life then why give it up as you age.  Just because your mate do not like to dance doesn’t mean it is the end of your dancing days. 

There is a lot you can do to continue dancing.  Most communities have different dance groups that meet at meetup.com groups and at other locations.  Many have partners to match you with, just to dance.  You just need to find them.  Your mate might even be opened to coming out to the groups and engaging in dancing also – so ask him. 

Movement is important, especially as you age, and dancing is a great exercise.  Try doing Zumba, which is just like dancing.  Dancing can also be so freeing -- so again, I would not give it up just because you ended up with a mate that doesn’t enjoy dancing.  Most mates don't always enjoy the same things, so why not continue to keep dancing so you can enjoy it way into your golden years.

Should I Keep Dating Outside My Race?

Aug. 28, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am a black woman and I was single for many years and never had any quality dates, so now I have chosen to date outside my race.  I am dating a white man and my family have stopped talking to me because of this.  This man and I have a lot in common and we love one another.  Should I leave him because of my family -- or should I follow my heart?  Dating Outside My Race, California

Dear Dating Outside My Race:

What families need to understand is that most women want love, affection, sincerity and to be provided for and at the end of the night when the lights are turned off, all men feel the same.  They are more alike -- than different.

Many black athletes, celebrities, and even others heavily involved in black culture such as Julian Bond, Maya Angelou, and Alice Walker have been involved in relationships for years with other nationalities and we don't let that take anything away from them as an individual.

Remember you can’t live your life for other people.  You can only live your life for your ownself.  Love is love -- and the bottomline is we are only on this earth a short time and no one should have to walk through this life alone -- so the real goal should be for you to find true happiness in any way, shape or form, which might mean dating outside your race.

There is Big Money in Real Estate

Aug. 25, 2015

Dear Cathy,

There is big money in real estate.  I am thinking about becoming involved in this industry.  What is your advice?  Real Estate Bound, Georgia

Dear Real Estate Bound:

Sure there is big money in real estate -- but don’t forget during the 2007-2008 financial crash, many realtors were at fault for tricking people into buying homes that they could not afford and other unethical practices.

However, there are many positions in this industry so you need to find the positions that you can be happy in.  Just remember like the car industry, many in this industry use sleazy practices such as:

-Buyer’s agent does not show for-sale-by-owner homes.

-Listing agent tells buyer that there are other buyers interested or other offers pending on the property when there are not. 

-Agent refers clients to other agents without knowledge of the quality of service or value that agent offers. 

So do your homework before getting into this industry.  Are you getting into the industry simply because you can make money?  Is money that important to you?  Remember, if you are not passionate about something, then you should not get involved.  Money is not everything.  Eventually you will have to look at yourself in the mirror.

Wrongfully Terminated After Being Sexually Harassed By Female Manager

Aug. 24, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am a former HUD employee and I was terminated.  In the termination letter it alleged that I was terminated because of a test I did not take.  There is supporting documentation that this test was not a condition of employment nor was I required to take the test.  It is believed that this is simply a ploy to release a male employee who would not respond to the sexual advances of the Executive Director, which is a female. 

She would hostilely address me in front of employees in inappropriate verbal manners.  She made displayed conduct of a sexual nature in private and in front of other Housing Authority Staff.  In an effort to keep my job and in the hopes of having a diplomatic working environment, I would always respectfully decline her advances.  When I dismissed the multiple sexual advances, the Executive Director, became noticeably the oppressor and created a hostile working environment.

For sake of speed I will be brief because my 180 days before filing are just about up.  I feel like I am almost a victim of a conspiracy -- as a former employee of a HUD agency.  I am about to take everything to EEOC, media outlets, newspapers and HUD.  I want to know how to properly approach the EEOC and if you have a preferred contact. Hurting in Mississippi

Dear Hurting in Mississippi:

It’s unfortunate but no I do not have any preferred contacts.  The Housing and Urban Development (HUD.gov) is just another dysfunctional governmental agency and my heart goes out to you.  I know exactly what you are up against because I have been there and done that.

During my tenure with the federal government, I worked for HUD.gov for 18 months and ended up filing 10 EEOC.gov workplace complaints against the U.S. Customs Service (now called "Customs and Border Protection") along with a Sexual Harassment and Whistleblower Complaint.  So I am very well-versed in federal workplace abuse/discrimination.

Sexual Harassment laws are no different than EEOC.gov laws especially in federal workplaces.  They were put in these federal workplaces to protect employees like yourself -- so it’s your right to file a lawsuit against your agency if you feel you were violated -- or wrongfully terminated.

There are several things you need to have in place at this time especially before you go to the media.  Now is the time to work with my attorney on your case, especially a media attorney -- if you plan on going to the media. 

What you need to know upfront is that the EEOC.gov is NEVER on the side of the employee -- so no matter what you take to them, it will probably be useless because federal managers or supervisors can come up with just about any reason to fire an employee.  It’s wrong and illegal but they do it all the time and get away with it. 

Since you are already fired -- then nothing is stopping you from going to the media but again try to work with an media attorney to file your lawsuit and to have by your side in the media.

Go on Google.com, Yahoo.com and even YouTube.com, which are the largest search websites on the web, and put in HUD.gov and see what types of cases there have been in the past against your agency.  Put in the words Sexual Harassment, Class-Actions, Discrimination, etc. and even the violator’s name.  Have this happened to other employees who worked for your agency? 

Remember you only need 4 employees to file a class-action and class-actions are always stronger than individual complaints because they change laws, rules and regulations in many workplaces because they bring major media attention.  Also because of this research, you should be able to find attorneys who have dealt with these types of cases with your agency – so conduct thorough research.

Many people will laugh at you and find it funny that a man was fired because of being sexually harassed by a women but don’t let that deter you from receiving justice.  And unless you have some type of proof that this sexual harassment was taking place such as documents or internal emails, texts, recordings, pictures, witness statements, your case will be hard to prove.   

And remember many federal complainants are never successful in these types of cases, only a small percentage, but using the media will be a good ploy to receive justice -- so I applaud you for going that route.

Federal government managers are not smart and chances are they have left a trail of evidence for you to use in your case so you need to be ready -- and don’t miss any of your EEOC deadlines because they will use that against you.

The goal is to know when it’s time to stop fighting to save your sanity especially when dealing with federal government abuse.  Make sure you are eating a good diet, get some exercise and plenty of rest to prepare for the long-haul because justice in the federal government venue, will not be overnight.  It's a long process.

Maybe you should be putting all your energy in writing a book about what happened, which will be very therapeutic, or maybe you should form your own seminars, workshops, webinars and coaching sessions to help others -- now that you went through this terrible ordeal.

Remember that people who go through challenges -- go on to build beautiful lives so again...you are now in a position to empower others.  You already have your own platform so don’t let what happened to you 'break your spirit.'  Use all the knowledge that you obtain to keep building a life of passion, compassion and empowerment. 

You need to learn everything you can on the federal workplace because others are waiting for you to empower them.  I am no longer counseling anyone on workplace abuse or discrimination because of what’s happening today in most workplaces -- which is too disheartening -- and that’s why I wrote three books on it -- so my advice is for you to read my 3 books on workplace abuse -- Workplace Survival Guide: How To Fight Discrimination, Whistleblowing and the Workers’ Compensation System and Discrimination 101: The Complete Guide to Recognizing and Surviving Discrimination in the Workplace (Volume 1 & Volume 2) – which might give you some ideas of how to fight back.  Also check out my “Workplace Blog” at http://cathyharris-workplace.blogspot.com

I Have No Idea How Much I Borrowed in Student Loans

Aug. 20, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I should have kept track of what I was borrowing when I attended college.  I had different types of loans and different interest rates.  When I did eventually see just some of my loan balances, I was pretty surprised.  How can I find out exactly how much I owe?  Student Loans, Kentucky

Dear Student Loans:

Let’s be real.  When you take out student loans to help pay for college, it’s easy to forget that this money will eventually have to be paid back -- with interest.  The money just doesn’t seem real when you’re in college, and many students don’t do a good job of keeping track of what they borrowed.

When it is time to start repaying the loans, it can be quite overwhelming. You can avoid this problem.  There is a super easy way to keep track of how much you’ve borrowed in federal student loans so go to National Student Loan Data System and select “Financial Aid Review,” log in, and you can view all of your federal student loans in one place.

Can Moving to Another Climate Affect My Hair Growth?

Aug. 19, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I moved to Texas from the south about a year ago where they have 4 seasons.  The Texas weather is extremely hot.  I have always had long and thick hair but over the past few months, I have seen a lot of breakage and thinning of my hair -- so can moving to another climate affect my hair?  Hair Knowledge, Texas

Dear Hair Knowledge:

Yes it can because many climates are more humid than others so the weather do make a difference in how your hair looks and feel.  Most women notice their hair thinning in their 50s or 60s, but it can happen at any age, even during teenage years and for a variety of reasons.

Doing too many of the wrong things can not only harm your hair and scalp and prevent it from looking its best, but it can also cause severe damage.  According to the latest experts, 5 out of 10 women who constantly wear hair pieces, wigs, scarves, hats, etc. are suffering from “female pattern baldness.” 

Losing your hair can be devastating for any woman and in many cases -- men.  It can cost any normal healthy woman to suffer some type of mental anguish or depression. So pay attention to what’s happening so you can grow your hair back.

Hair weaving, hairpieces, or a change in hairstyle may disguise hair loss and improve your appearance until you can grow your hair back.

This will be the time for you to eat a good natural and alkaline diet especially green foods and drink alkaline water.  The more alkaline your body is -- the quicker and healthier your hair will grow back.   Also protein is important for hair growth, just make sure you eat the right type of protein like Omega 3 meats.

For more information on hair growth and loss read my hair book “My Hair, My Crown, My Glory: A Woman’s Guide To Growing Gorgeous Hair” – available as an e-book and paperback.

I Can’t Afford Organic Foods

Aug. 14, 2015 

Dear Cathy:

I am a single mother with a limited budget.  I can’t afford organic foods but I do want the best for my kids.  Are there anymore suggestions on how I can feed my kids good nutrient-dense organic foods?  Seeking Good Food, Oklahoma

Dear Seeking Good Food:

Basically, you need to ask yourself if you or your family members love visiting doctors.  As long as you are not eating organic foods (foods without pesticides), you are setting your family up to have more doctor’s visits in their lives; live a sicker life; and have a short life-span.  Remember most overweight kids will become overweight adults. 

So you have two choices – “organic foods” or “doctor’s visits.”   The toxins from Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) (or processed foods) will result in organ failure, pain or some type of other health issue down the line.

Sure finding organic foods is a chore, however, it’s not impossible to find these foods and many times the foods are not that much more expensive ($1 or $2 more) than conventional foods. 

Every city has a holistic or natural community that can help you start growing your own food again so seek out these communities today – or you can join a local organic Food Co-op. 

Start conducting research to see what you can eat.  Basically, you want to find foods that states it is grown “100% Certified Organic,” which means the foods were grown 100% certified organic WITHOUT pesticides. 

If this doesn’t work look for foods that states it is “Organic,” but remember chances are it’s only 95% Organic and 5% GMOs.  If the food labels states the foods “Contains Organic Ingredients” -- then the foods are only 75% Organic and 25% GMOs. 

Also look for foods with the label “Non-GMO” on it.  There is a list of foods in the “Non-GMO Shopping Guide” at http://www.nongmoshoppingguide.com.

Finding good foods will be hard but in the long run, it will keep down doctor’s visits and help you live an energetic life full of vitality -- so overall it’s well worth it.

To learn more about how the human body operates and why food is your medicine read "How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide To Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days" -- available as an e-book and paperback.

My Husband Was Fired from His Job – What Now?

Aug. 13, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband got hired on June 26, 2015 and since then he has been trying to contact the new manager and District Manager by text asking to please contact him because he has concerns.

The supervisor told everyone that the new manager and the VP of the company are idiots! The supervisor called my husband a liar. My husband asked the supervisor for transfer and he was denied. No one per corporate is allowed overtime unless it is approved by Corporate. The supervisor and the other 3 guys all get overtime and no one else.

In the last 3 weeks my husband has gotten no more than 24 hours per week, and they sent a crane operator to pick up trailers and not my husband. My husband has over 30 years experience and he prides himself on his driving record and abilities. He has a clean MVR.

Well Monday the supervisor called to tell my husband again no work, but everyone else will be working. So my husband asked again for a transfer. He was denied. Again my husband was not being treated fair so he tried to contact his District Manager and manager again.

Next the supervisor fired my husband. There are 4 guys that have been there for 5 years and they have their own click which also includes the supervisor. The crane operator told my husband at lunch "Gee the only time you don't bitch is when you have a mouth full of food." The supervisor laughed!

Does my husband have a case? We have all the text messages and in Texas we are allowed to record the conversations. We recorded my husband being laid off, and he told Corporate he was fired. Terminated Employee, Alabama

Dear Terminated Employee:

First of all it sounds like a lot of underhanded, illegal and unfair practices were happening at the company. Name calling from a supervisor is the lowest of the low and that alone gives you the right to take the case to the next level especially if you have proof that this took place. But since you only gave me part of what happened, I am not in a position to fully respond to your question. But I will do my best.

I have been out of the workplace for 10 years but back then employees put complaints in writing but not by text. Even though there is a record of the complaints by text, proper channels would have been for him to go to his immediate supervisor then up the chain of command and it sounds like that is what he was trying to do.

However, most Managers are not going to answer a complaint by phone or text so he should have sent a “certified letter” up the chain of command then when he went to the internal complaint system or the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC.gov), there would have been an official document of the complaints.

I am not even sure nowadays if the EEOC will even take texts as a form of proof -- but they should as long as the text are printed out but don’t expect for an EEOC investigator to obtain these documents. And remember EEOC is NEVER on the side of the employee.

Your husband can still pay the initial fee that most lawyers charge of $300 to sit down with a lawyer for 30 minutes to an hour and discuss what happened. If others were treated the same way then he could file a Class-Action against the company - even if he could find just 4 people.

If I knew which company it was I could make more comments. Research the company on Google.com and find out what else has went down in the company. Put in the words - Race Discrimination; Black Employees; Wrongful Terminations; and Class-Actions.

But understand even if your husband saw the District Manager chances are they would have acted the same unprofessional way as the supervisor. All jobs are like this these days. The workplace is a horrible place to be at these days.

Your husband wasn't on the job that long so they can also claim he was still on probation so they had the right to fire him. There are many more scenarios -- again like I said I don't have enough information to respond, however, the only options I see for your husband is -- your husband should sit down with a lawyer, or even a paralegal or law student could even answer his questions and they hang out at law libraries; file for unemployment benefits at www.DOLgov, which he can receive for 20 to 26 weeks and receive at least $300 a week, while he look for other employment; or start his own business.

Your husband has 30 years in this type of work, so in order to save his sanity, it might be time for him to call it quits or start his own business -- because again most workplaces are polluted with this type of unprofessionalism.

I am no longer counseling anyone on workplace abuse or discrimination because of what’s happening today in most workplaces -- which is too disheartening -- and that’s why I wrote three books on it -- so my advice is for you to read my 3 books on workplace abuse -- Workplace Survival Guide: How To Fight Discrimination, Whistleblowing and the Workers’Compensation System and Discrimination 101: The Complete Guide to Recognizing and Surviving Discrimination in the Workplace (Volume 1 & Volume 2). Also check out my “Workplace Blog” at http://cathyharris-workplace.blogspot.com.

Where Can I Buy the Best Vitamins and Minerals?

Aug. 12, 2013

Dear Cathy:

I always feel better after taking my multivitamin.  However, I heard you should never buy vitamins or minerals from places like Walmart.  Why is that?  Knowledge of Vitamins, Pennsylvania

Dear Knowledge of Vitamins:

You heard right!  Despite what most people think today -- that you can buy everything from Walmart, stores like Walmart has never been about quality.  You should never buy your vitamins or minerals from places like Walmart because of the quality of the vitamins or minerals, which can actually hurt you instead of helping. 

Vitamins are suppose to give you a boost of energy and provide the supplements that you did not receive from your meals.  Your goal is to take your vitamins and minerals along with your meals because like foods these are nutrients going directly into your system.

A good place to buy vitamins and minerals is at www.VitaminShoppe.com, which also has stores located in many communities.  Other places to purchase quality vitamins and minerals are at health and wholefood stores and even some grocery stores.  

To learn more about the affect that vitamins and minerals have on your body read "How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide to Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days" - available as an e-book or paperback.

Do I Really Need To Take Vitamins and Minerals If I Eat A Good Diet?

Aug. 11, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I eat a good diet at every meal.  I juice, steam or blend all my foods and I am a vegetarian.  So do I really need to take vitamins and minerals everyday?  Good Diet, Florida

Dear Good Diet:

Vitamin deficiencies are common in the United States. The majority of people who should be taking vitamin and mineral supplements are people who are eating poor diets, pregnant women and senior citizens.

Vitamins and minerals are essential to life. Vitamins and minerals are nutrients that the body needs to work properly. They boost the immune system, promote normal growth and development, and help cells regenerate.

Vitamins fall into two categories, fat soluble and water soluble. The fat-soluble vitamins, A, D, E, and K, dissolve in fat and can be stored in your body.  The water-soluble vitamins, C and the B-complex vitamins (such as vitamins B6, B12, niacin, riboflavin, and folate), need to dissolve in water before your body can absorb them.

Because of this, your body can’t store these vitamins. Any vitamin C or B that your body doesn’t use as it passes through your system, is lost especially through urination. So you need a fresh supply of these vitamins every day.

Your body needs larger amounts of some minerals, such as calcium, to grow and stay healthy. Other minerals like chromium, copper, iodine, iron, selenium, and zinc are called trace minerals because you only need very small amounts of them each day.

  

Before you take any other supplement, start with a moderately high-potency multi-vitamin. There are a lot of different types on the market.  High-potency supplements provide more value for your money, and some are formulated for men’s health, women’s health, diabetes, pregnancy, etc. 

For more on how vitamins work read "How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide To Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days" -- available as an e-book or paperback.

Mate Won’t Attend Family Gatherings

Aug. 10, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I live 4 hours from my family.  My mother and father have passed away.  My 8 siblings and I have never been really, really close but as I age they have become more important to me.  However, my mate said my family is dysfunctional and he rather not be around them.  I want him to attend family gatherings so it hurts me when I have to attend the events alone.  Is my mate being fair to me?  Unfair Mate, Iowa

Dear Unfair Mate:

If your mate doesn’t want to attend all or none of your family functions -- then I don’t see a problem with that.  Your mate is your immediate family so this should be a decision that you make together. 

The good thing is your family doesn't live right around the corner from you where you have to see them all the time -- and make excuses for your mate.  Even though I think it’s important that families come together and be there for each other, I still would not hold it against your mate for not attending your family functions.   

Remember this is your family not his -- and many families, probably including his -- might be dysfunctional today.  The goal is to just be there for each other.

I Want To Leave My Marriage

Aug. 5, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I am 20 years old.  My mom put me out at the age of 18 so I got married to a guy I had known only for a short time.  All my friends are single and having fun and I want to be like them.  I love my husband but no longer wish to be married.  I only stayed with him because I did not want to live on my own.  What is the best way to end this relationship without hurting his feelings?  Getting Out of This Marriage, Connecticut

Dear Getting Out of This Marriage:

Marriage is not a game.  It is a commitment between a man and woman.  It seems like you only got married because you did not want to live on your own or you wanted to be taken care of since your Mom had told you to leave her residence.

You owe it to your husband to tell him the truth about why you got married in the first place.  Someone always get hurt when couples decide to split and go their own ways but the good thing is, there are no children involved so the transition from being a married woman to single, should be much easier.

Marriage is not a game so make sure you are sure about the actions you are about to take.  You are young so you have plenty of time to grow and learn from all your past mistakes but again, make sure you are sincere about your upcoming actions. 

Too Old To Live At Home

Aug. 4, 2015

Dear Cathy:

What age is too old to live with your mother?  I recently moved to a small town and I am attracted to a man who is 40 years old but still lives with his mother.  I am torn between continuing a relationship with him or cutting it off.  Can a man who still lives with his mother be serious about a relationship?  Still Staying At Home, California

Dear Still Staying At Home:

Sure, any man can be serious about a relationship.  However, many women would never look at a man twice who is still living with his mother, but before you allow your mind to wander any further, you should ask him why he still stays with her. 

There could be a good reason for this.  Is he a caregiver for her?    Many elderly parents are sick today and many adult children have had to give up their livelihoods and move back in to take care of them.  And because of the fallen economy, many families have chosen to continue to live together. 

So before turning your back on what could possibly be a good mate for you down the line, sit down and talk things out with him.  Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water – so weigh all your options.

What is the Best Way to Change Careers?

Aug. 3, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I plan on changing careers but I want to make sure I don’t get overwhelmed.  Do you have any advice for me?  Changing Careers, Birmingham

Dear Changing Careers:

Changing careers can be stressful but it’s all about balance.  Try to take care of your health by eating healthier and getting plenty of exercise and rest.  

If you haven’t started eating foods yet specifically for your blood type, you should start now so that you have the energy and vitality to take dramatic steps in your life.

It also helps to write out a plan of action.  Writing it down will serve as a road map to help you get from point A to point B.

Having a thought-out plan of action will also help you to stay organized and minimize confusion.  View your plan of action as much as you need to so that everything will stay fresh in your mind.  

As you perform each step, mark it off the list then start another list.  The point is to get organized and stay focused and don’t forget that it takes three weeks to form new habits.