Mate Won’t Attend Family Gatherings

Aug. 10, 2015

Dear Cathy:

I live 4 hours from my family.  My mother and father have passed away.  My 8 siblings and I have never been really, really close but as I age they have become more important to me.  However, my mate said my family is dysfunctional and he rather not be around them.  I want him to attend family gatherings so it hurts me when I have to attend the events alone.  Is my mate being fair to me?  Unfair Mate, Iowa

Dear Unfair Mate:

If your mate doesn’t want to attend all or none of your family functions -- then I don’t see a problem with that.  Your mate is your immediate family so this should be a decision that you make together. 

The good thing is your family doesn't live right around the corner from you where you have to see them all the time -- and make excuses for your mate.  Even though I think it’s important that families come together and be there for each other, I still would not hold it against your mate for not attending your family functions.   

Remember this is your family not his -- and many families, probably including his -- might be dysfunctional today.  The goal is to just be there for each other.