Monday, December 14, 2015

Helping a Loved One Move Toward The Light

Dec. 14, 2015

Dear Cathy:

My husband is 60 years old and has an extensive list of health issues, both mental and physical. Last week, we were given the news that he may have pancreatic cancer. He watched his brother die from the same disease, so we know that if he is diagnosed, he may not survive long.

After we got the news, I started thinking about what may happen to me after he dies. I thought about getting him more life insurance, selling the house, what to do with his belongings – even where I would bury him.

Am I a terrible person? I feel guilty for doing it and would appreciate your opinion. Worried in Washington, DC

Dear Worried:

Just remember it ain’t over until it’s over. No you are not a bad person for simply planning ahead, especially about burial arrangements. Despite the grim diagnosis that your husband was given, his brother’s fate does not have to be his fate. People on their death bed bounce back all the time and go on to led normal lives again -- so never give up hope.

However, if you did not plan ahead, if he did expire, it would probably leave your household unprepared to deal with the situation -- so planning ahead on any matter, especially a matter as grave as this is simply a smart idea.

Once he is given a diagnosis of a terminal disease, which could include coronary artery disease, cancer, failure to thrive, stroke, etc. -- when all else has failed and it’s time to let go of a loved one, make sure you are informed on what steps you need to take.

Hospice care can be in an institution or home care. Keep in mind if the patient is still in the hospital and in frail shape, a hospital representative will try to get the family to sign papers so that their family members can be taken to the hospice ward at the hospital, where they will be administered morphine, made comfortable until they transition.

The only other option is to take that person home for hospice care or to an institution. Many families might elect to take them home so they can be surrounded by family as they transition. That transition time might be anywhere from two weeks to several months.

To learn more about helping a family member move toward the light read “Golden Years: How To Age Gracefully and Take Care of Seniors – available as an e-book and paperback at


  1. Dear Cathay my name is mrs.Danielle L.paige and my question is my husband jessie jay paige is locked up in Lebon ohio prison our anervisery is on January 8th we got married on January 8th 2014, thus our two year anversery he bee locked up the whole time he git Locked up on July 8th 2014, I pray God blessing he come home for an Early release asap and he doesn't have to do no more time he be free and and no papers etc I pray that I get this house in Eastgate and pray gods will open doors in financial blessing for me i pray that I able to move and God open doors for me to have an employment with excellent benefits and excellent paymentioned I pray God let open door so I csn go see him in prison with no problems to visit him provide a way there and back I dnt drive and they dnt revoke me frm seeing him until he come home etc I also pray that God protects jay while he in there and that I get all my bills paid now and money cone to me etc

  2. Can let me knw i been under alot stress with my finances etc

  3. Can let me knw i been under alot stress with my finances etc