I Fell in Love With My Friend's Ex-Husband

Nov. 3, 2015 

Dear Cathy:

I have been friends with my friend for over 7 years.  She got a divorce and is now married to a wonderful guy and has 2 kids with her new husband.  I am secretly dating her ex-husband who was married to her for 5 years.  I wasn’t attracted to him when they were together but now I really love this man.  How do I tell my friend that I am in love with her ex-husband?  Ex-husband Jitters, Maryland

Dear Ex-Husband Jitters:

Falling in love with a friend’s ex-husband is a very complicated situation.  No one would actually choose to fall in love with a friend’s ex-husband but since it has happened to you, then you need to deal with it.

One woman’s loss is another woman’s gain and despite what you think, she might be happy for you.  However, you might be left with the choice of choosing to stay friends or giving up your new mate – so you need to ask yourself, how much do her friendship really means to you?

True love is a rarity and it only comes around once for many people in this life, so I would think about your decision wisely.  Meet with your friend or send her a written letter and explain to her what has happened. 

Let her know during the time of her 5 year marriage, nothing out of the ordinary or no attractions took place.  She is now married with children and is probably happy so again, she might just be happy for you, especially if they remained friends after the split.

If that doesn't work, then you might have to move to another part of the city or stop hanging out in places where you know your friend might be.  But you also need to understand that true friends don't stand in the way of another friend's happiness.